Somehow my entire year fit beautifully into 4 dorm bins I could roll into the elevator and pack into my cars. It didn’t make sense, I came with so much stuff, and I left with even more. I didn’t feel like it gave my year justice, 4 green bins being wheeled down the outside ramp felt patronizing. Freshman year was over and all I had was two cars full of tangible items, pretending I had left my mark on a university of 50,000 students.
Unpacking is unfortunately just as bad as packing. It’s time consuming and it’s nostalgic and it’s everything I want to avoid in this numb state of moving home. Every bin I uncover unleashes a wave of memories that are so simplistically important. Outfits that were once nothing more than material on a hanger become “that one time someone spilled their drink on me and everyone thought it would be funny to ask if I was lactating”. Those shoes I once had polished black are now covered in dirt and substances unknown, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Those shoes are plastered with memories that, like the sticky substance, won’t go away.
Leaving was more than just shoving things in boxes, it was falling back to this idea of reality. College is like this mythological place where everyone’s in the same age range, trying to accomplish the same thing, trying to find themselves. We are all on our own, living on our own. We have inherited the idea of our own responsibilities and abilities. It’s a wonderful place that you don’t realize is different until you’re back home. I suppose I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but in my eyes there were two different places, two different people.
Thank you, MSU; what a year it’s been. In the beginning I was scared and small and sad. You changed that. I have never felt more at home anywhere (besides my own home, but I don’t think that counts).
When classes started, the campus was a maze to me, every turn was the wrong one, and I had my GPS going almost constantly. Now it’s funny to me that I was even slightly confused. Thank you for the sleepless nights spent talking about nothing with my roommates, somehow those were the most important memories I made. That goes along with the sleepless nights stayed up studying and typing papers until my fingers themselves were too tired, thanks for those too.
Thank you for the beautiful campus - when the trees were changing I actually looked forward to walking to class. Thank you for having so many people on your campus - I met some of the best people and some of the worst. Both are equally important. I’m beginning to find myself; I have found what I love and I am ready to let it kill me. You gave me these opportunities and I am forever indebted, in both gratitude and finance. Thank God I have at least 3 more years here because I am still scared and small and sad, but I think things will change, and I think you will change me for the better.
Home is where the heart is, but MSU is where the heart goes to grow up.
