Dear Rapist,
I told myself that I wouldn't write another letter to you. But as I prepare for your return to Berklee, I felt the need to write this. You might not even read this, but if this makes one person feel less alone and more like their feelings are validated, then that's enough for me.
You might have recently seen a Facebook post about an alleged rape circulating. The rape allegedly happened at school and was done by a student at Berklee College of Music. The post concluded in saying that the accused is suspended and will be allowed back on campus in a year. Sounds familiar, huh?
I will never speak to someone else's experience for that is not my place. But I can understand the last part of that post. The post struck a chord with me because one year after you were deemed guilty, you are coming back to Berklee. It's almost as if I finally decided that the grueling investigation that took place a year ago wasn't worth it. You won. You were found guilty of actions that define rape and yet, you get to come back to the best music school in the country. How is that right?
As I prepare for your return, one thing continues to run through my mind. Someone working in the equity system was recently asked "what separates a rapist being suspended from a rapist being expelled"? The answer: "if someone is forcibly raped, the attacker gets expelled". How interesting is that. How lucky are you? How lucky are you that you didn't 'rape me hard enough' to get expelled? How lucky are you to be able to fabricate your story of why you didn't return to Berklee in fall 2016? How lucky are you that you get to continue your music and your studies while I STILL have to work on healing from what you did to me? Yes, you are indeed the lucky one. You are lucky, but you by no means deserve an education at Berklee.
Oh how I want to say your name. Oh how I want to put a picture up for the world to see with the caption, "the face of a rapist". But I won't. I won't because despite what you did to me, I will always respect the safety of another individual. I can't say that about you since you oh so willingly and happily put my safety and security on the line.
You win all of these music awards, you study abroad in Shanghai, you boast about your "accomplishments", and you once posted about how "sexual assault is a serious problem in the US". I am disgusted by your behavior and I want you to suffer consequences. I feel so much anger in my heart that no one knows the kind of person you really are. They only see you for how you paint yourself to be.
You will not destroy me anymore. I will see you in those hallways and I will hold my head up high. I will no longer succumb to the horrible trauma and flashbacks from that night.
Here's what I really want. I want you to look me in the face and apologize. Perhaps if rapists were forced to face what they did and the horrible pain they had caused, they wouldn't do it again. Perhaps holding you accountable is exactly what you need. I want you to own up to what you did rather than brush it off just like the rest of society. The sweetest revenge I could ever have, is for you to feel guilty about what you did to me and to my life.
Too harsh for you? My bad. You raping me was pretty harsh too, but we are still the furthest thing from even.
What is the lesson to learn from all of this? What is the lesson that I and other women take away? The lesson is that we have to FIGHT for what's right. We have to fight for our safety and freedom, and that makes us damn strong human beings. We are one community. We back each other and we keep each other supported and safe. Our community and our sisterhood are things that monsters like you will NEVER take away.
I conclude with this: welcome back to school, rapist. I hope the rest of your Berklee experience is everything you wish it to be. See you around.
Sincerely,
Your victim.
