As the semester progressed I found myself with an emptiness in me. I thought maybe it was because midterms were approaching or maybe because I had three papers yet to write and the deadline was the next day. As it turned out neither of those were the reasons for the feeling I was experiencing. I did not want to admit it but I was actually homesick. I thought homesickness was never going to come my way. I was wrong. I missed everything about my home. It was not only about missing my parents anymore but the entire atmosphere of what "being home" encompasses. FaceTime helps with the distance but it definitively is not the same. I try to talk to my family members at least once a week but somehow it still is not enough.
I quickly called my mom and told her I really wanted to go home. As expected she was beyond thrilled to have me home even if it was just for the weekend. I booked my flight and was ready to go. Yet, as the date of my departure approached I was feeling more and more anxious. None of my relatives knew that I was going home so it was going to be surprise for all of them and it coincided with my cousin's birthday, so there was a big party the weekend I was home. When I was sitting on the subway on my way to JFK Airport I realized that my home is a big part of who I am. It is part of my identity.
The emptiness in my stomach was indeed homesickness but I was unconsciously losing what it felt to be home. The warmth that comes with it. The sense of belonging to a bigger group of people. Don not get me wrong, my friends make me feel incredible with their unconditional support but it is nothing like a mother's support or the warm look my grandmother gives me when she looks at me. There is nothing compared to that, and my JFK commute made me realize that all I needed was a weekend at home and that was exactly what I was getting in a couple of hours.Feeling the love of my family was the perfect getaway from the "college experience".
