I have been a summer camp counselor for a whopping three weeks now. Let me tell you: I failed myself. Rather, I failed my past self. Six-year-old me is fuming at the way I handle situations: I swore to myself I would never handle situations that way when I became a teacher. Now that I am older, I understand why adults act and react to situations the way they do; but, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the best for the kids. As an adult who works with kids, I understand why adults act or acted the way they do and did.

Still, I failed myself. Camp is mostly yelling and telling kids to sit down and be quiet. But I know that’s not how kids work, because they want to run around and do things they enjoy. I need to find a happy medium between a need for order and a need for freedom.

Conflict Resolution

Sometimes adults seem very non-attentive when it comes to conflict among kids. From a child's perspective, feeling dismissed is incredibly hurtful. You don’t get to argue your side or logically plot out the events that occurred in order to find a resolution. You briefly tell what happened and then get yelled at and told to go away. From an adult's perspective, children’s problems seem petty and irrational. There is a lot going on and a lot of people to deal with, so it's impossible to resolve every minute conflict. I told myself that I wouldn’t be quick to dismiss a child. I told myself that I’d assess the situation fairly and take reasonable actions. But it’s difficult to do that when there are six kids in your face screaming at once. I hear snippets of their problems and am quick to dismiss the issue. I focus primarily on redirection, but kids frequently don’t understand why they’re being redirected. I suppose it’s an issue of intentionality because kids need to know what’s happening and why. Otherwise, there is chaos.

Fairness

This is the largest struggle among kids and adults. Kids want everything to be even all of the time and, although adults do too, that's not how it works. Sometimes a child needs to be the door holder everyday because their OCD causes them anxiety if they don’t. Sometimes an adult needs extra break time so they can breathe through their anger. Not everyone can hold the door every time and not every adult can be on break all of the time. Six-year-old me wanted everything to be equal. Adult me knows that people need different things to help them. This realization removed my mental burden.

Asking Questions

I was one of those kids who asked questions. I am still like that—though in a more academic sense than existential. One of our policies at summer camp is, “Don’t Ask Questions.” That puts me on edge because I always want to know what is happening and when. Most of my kids now want to know why we do things. While “Don’t Ask Questions" quiets the small, irrelevant questions—that more than likely have already been answered—it also squashes relevant and pressing questions that children must ask to grasp larger concepts. I understand that sometimes kids shouldn’t ask questions, especially when navigating a potentially dangerous situation.

Today, my kids were absolutely crazy. So, they were told to sit on the carpet and read quietly. They complained loudly about having to be quiet and about reading. Once they settled down, most of them enjoyed the reading. They didn’t understand that the purpose of the activity was to calm them down and make them focus. They were asked to read because it is an essential skill. The question, “Why are you making us do this?” should have been answered rather than yelling at them to sit, hush and read.

Tired

I am tired. I am very tired. I am tired not only because I work with kids but from life as well. But I can’t let that reflect in my teaching abilities. This is one of the greatest struggles. I can be snappy and quick to dismiss. I am disengaged and drowsy. But no child deserves to have my personal problems projected on them. As a kid, you see cranky adults who are in bad moods for no reason. Even adults see other adults that way. I hated and still hate seeing cranky adults. I owe it to my kids and myself to rest and recharge so everyone can have a great and productive day.

I know that I can't start out being the perfect teacher, counselor, adult or human right off the bat. I definitely struggle to accept that. I thank my kids for being gracious to me when I get a little crazy. Every experience builds who you are and I want to make these moments count.