Recently, I shared a post on Facebook about not taking my husbands name. Why? Because, if I get married, everything I would have done in my life would have been done under my maiden name. My last name is apart of my identity, both personally and professionally. Plus, I like the way my name sounds. Sue me, I like my name. Besides, I really do not need to justify my future actions to people on Facebook.
Here's what I got in response: "It's tradition and familiar unity." Um, not it's not.
My mother and I have not shared a last name since the day I left the hospital (TLDR: Babies will use their mother's names when they are in the hospital, don't ask me why). These last 18 years of my life, my mother and I have not been connected by name. For 16 of those years, she used her maiden name since she was not married. After that, she married my stepdad and took his name.
Am I really not connected and united with my youngest brother whose last name is different from my own? Just because his last name is his father's, does not diminish the love I have for him. Outside of my immediate family, my grandparents are all remarried. In fact, out of my seven living grandparents, I share a last name with only one of them.
So, is it really about family unity, or is it just some dumb tradition? Women once traded for a plot of land or a title, are now trading their lasts names. Do not get me wrong, I don't disagree with their actions. It is respectable and a fine thing to do, but it is simply something I will not do.
Why do we criticize those who keep their last name? Is it really so hard to convince that women, who are leaving their homes and joining the workforce at an astounding rate (70% of moms are in the workforce) are wanting to keep their identity.
In the grand scheme of the things, women choosing to keep their maiden name is a relatively new concept. It wasn't until 1856 that the first American woman kept her name. Also, this new movement didn't gain steam until the 1970's during the Women's Rights Movement. This trend was started when women were finally able to get credit cards on their own- bye bye husbands signatures. For them, it was liberation. For me, I think it's just who I am.
I love my family. They give me comfort and unconditional support. They are the most important people in my life. I truly believe that would be the case even if we used numbers as identification. So sure, I guess it can be unifying to share a last name with your family (even though I will never truly know the feeling), but you do not share the name with people you went to school with, or your co-workers, but you are still united.
A name is apart of who you are, and for me, I believe that my name is who I am. I am able to be in love, and in a healthy relationship without a shared name. At the end of the day, this is all my personal decision. One you do not have to justify.
