“We have a thing.”
The amount of times this has come out of my mouth along with every single one of my friends is too many to count. The epidemic of “things” has been going on for so long I actually started to believe it was normal. A college campus is full of “things”, but no genuine relationships. Everywhere I turn girls and guys I know engage in relationships, but they refuse to call them that. As long as I can remember, the term “thing” has been coined as an actual frame of reference for what two people share. But what is a “thing” exactly?
A thing defined: “A material object without life or consciousness; an inanimate object.” This seems interesting to me. How can two people describe what they share together by using a word that possesses no life or consciousness? How can two human beings who care about each other enough to spend significant amounts of time together talk about what they have as being related to an inanimate object? People are not things and things are not people. Relationships shouldn’t be described this way, but it’s been going on for so long I’m not sure if there is any way to fix or reverse it.
This isn’t a testimonial on how college hookup culture has ruined the chances of our generation having normal, healthy relationships. I don’t think that’s the case at all. I know plenty of people in college who are engaged in loving and functional relationships. However, how they got to that place is something I’m way more interested in.
How did these couples make the confusing transition of being a “thing” or “talking” to full blown relationship, and why are these lines so finite and black and white to cross? Why has this famous term “thing” become a basis of how important your relationship is with someone? I think that in order to return to the simpler days of going steady when a boy gives you his letterman jacket this “thing” phenomenon needs to end. ASAP.
For this to happen some things (pun intended) have to change.
1. When you like someone, tell them.No more of this indirect flirting, refusing to be straightforward, cryptic text message nonsense. Be honest and open with your feelings. In the end, what do you have to lose?
2. Call it like you see it.If a boy takes you out on a date, then yes, you are dating. When did this word become so scary? Why all of a sudden if you say you’re dating someone does that mean you’re in a serious relationship and probably going to have their babies? Going on dates means you’re dating. This means dinner and maybe a movie if you’re lucky, not a lifelong commitment.
3. Ask for what you want.If you’re ready to take the next step with someone, don’t be afraid to vocalize it. You deserve so much more than being stuck in a “thing” with someone. Ask for what you want and you’ll be amazed that the majority of the time that’s all it takes.
In the end, all that matters are our meaningful relationships. This generation has a sick habit of downplaying our feelings and using makeshift words to describe our relationships with others. Don’t fall subject to the “thing” phenomenon. If we could eradicate that word from being used to describe relationships, the world of dating would be a much less confusing place.
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