I am a burden.
Wow, you may be thinking. This girl sure is a party pooper. But here I am, mindlessly rambling on a Sunday afternoon- and here you are, reading the thoughts I spill. Hear me out for a second.
I don't have my life together. I say things I don't mean. I get sad for no reason sometimes. I'm terrified of small talk. I get panic attacks. Sometimes I struggle to focus on what someone's saying because my mind won't slow down. I worry too much. And all the time, I feel like a burden.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just tired. Thanks though."
I happen to know that most times, the demons in our head are telling us to sink instead of to swim. I also happen know that most times, we fall into their traps. We cancel our plans last minute, we shy away from social scenes, we feel unloved, we push people away. But the voices? They could not be more wrong.
You are not a burden for dealing with mental illness or any emotional struggle you might be going through. You are not too much too handle nor a pain to be around. You are not "crazy" or "delusional". Yes, I am a human being, and yes, I have burdens. But guess what? My burdens do not make me. Better yet, I have a wonderful God to help me through it all. I may not be perfect, but He sure is. It took me a while to get that in my head, and truth be told, I'm still working on it- but that doesn't make me any less of a human being. Life can be one hell of a ride- there are moments that make you cry, moments that make you laugh, moments that make you question your existence. It's confusing. We're going to have down days, and that's okay. It just means that those are the days that we have to try harder. Those are the days that we need to remind ourselves to keep the faith, because sometimes you have to lose who you are in order to find out who you can be.
"Are you okay?"
"No."
And that's okay. It's okay to be confused. It's okay that you get sad. It's okay that you have no idea what you're doing with your life. Admittedly, we are messes- but we are so, so, blessed. Going through all these obstacles in life has showed me again and again that learning to trust and lean on God wholeheartedly is something that I should always turn to, for He is the carrier of the boulder on my shoulders.
Turns out, I am not a burden.
And neither are you.
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
