We all make choices.

Choices that determine our friends, our future, and our happiness.

On february 21st 2018, I made a choice.

I barely knew the boy but he was in my hall, he seemed genuine, kind, and respectful to say the least.

Usually i'm a good judge of character, but I was wrong this time.

He asked me to stay with him just to cuddle, and I communicated bluntly before even entering his room that I only wanted to sleep, and that sexual actions weren't things I just gave away, or desired.

He said he respected that.

He lied.

While laying on the inside of his twin bed, he laid next to me, asked me how my day was, and asked me about my family, dreams, and thoughts.

He didn't care.

Stop and no meant nothing to him.

Telling him I was leaving also wasn't acceptable to him. Sitting up, he pushed me back down, and wouldn't let go of me, no matter what I said or did.

Within the 5 scariest minutes of my life, I was finally able to free myself, and get up and leave his room.

No this wasn't rape, but it was still sexual assault.

I have the right to say no, and the right to leave any area that I don't feel comfortable in, and he took those two things away from me.

All of the mouthwash in the world couldn’t rid his taste in my mouth, and all of the water couldn’t rinse his filth off of me.

People may think, "you should have tried to leave sooner". Or, "why would you go to hangout with him in the first place?". Or, "why didn't you scream and fight back harder?"

I also ask myself these questions.

Being in a situation I had never been in before, I didn't know how to react or respond, and I was genuinely scared of this boy that I thought was a completely different person.

It wasn't my fault.

Time is the best healer, and I wish I could stop anyone from feeling the way that I do now.

I will have to carry this with me for the rest of my life, but so will he.

According to National surveys, four in five women who are victims of sexual assault know their attackers, and 70 percent don’t seek help due to fear.

I want to thank the campus police for acting on it quickly and efficiently, and for putting me first.

Although I still find myself drowning in fear, I have to face everyday with courage.

There are evil people in the world, but the victims are never the ones to blame, and it's a small reminder I tell myself everyday.

Survivors of sexual assault may never forget their victimization, but we can heal with support and love from others.