We all make mistakes. I've made a ton of them.

The stories I tell people I meet at parties or in my classes usually revolve around the thousands of embarrassing mistakes I've made. I always see articles and books about ways to live a perfect life.

They talk about meditating and exercising and eating right and finding your "inner truth".

They're usually long and boring and full of annoyingly fluffy language because, God forbid, we talk about anything unpleasant. I decided to just make you guys this list.

Here are some things you can try to avoid doing in order to live a happy life. Or, if you're feeling deeply self-destructive, you can try to do all of these.

1. Only care about yourself.

Don't ever ask anyone else how they are doing. Don't pay attention to other peoples problems, stories, interests, or ideas. Revert completely to yourself so that you can realize the world is pretty lonely when you don't give others a chance. OR, you can teach yourself to learn as much as you can from others and develop relationships that satisfy you emotionally.

2. Play on your phone 24/7.

Social interaction? Unnecessary. Real life experiences? Overrated. Stare at Twitter for hours. Fight in the comments of a political Facebook post until your fingers are raw. There's a whole world that you could be exploring and be enjoying but instead, let's see how many favorites this subtweet will get.

3. Listen to everyone else's opinion of you and believe them.

The people spreading rumors about you, who have never talked to you before, who are making snap judgments based on your clothes or your taste in music are definitely the people who know you the best! If you want to be truly miserable, continue to change yourself in an attempt to be more likable. Forget about your interests and completely conform to what everyone else is doing.

4. Never do anything that challenges you.

Stick to the things you've been doing since you were a child. Why bother stepping out of your comfort zone? You could end up embarrassing yourself, or even worse, find something new that you truly enjoy.

5. Wake up every morning and tell yourself how awful the day is going to be.

If you want to be truly miserable, all you have to do is tell yourself that you are. The way you think rules the way you live, so why bother thinking positively? There are a million good things that could happen to you over the course of a single day, but focus on the negative and you'll be the human version of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

6. Never acknowledge your own beauty.

You wouldn't want to get a big head, would you? In order to ruin your own life, you have to constantly remind yourself that even if you are pretty, someone will always be prettier. Forget all about the things that make you unique, gorgeous, and interesting.

7. Surround yourself with people who put you down.

Make friends with people who make fun of you and refuse to support your dreams. They will criticize you constantly, listen to them. People who suck the life right out of you are perfect if you want to ruin your own life.