Hey fellow college students, I know as spring break approaches you're feeling that crunch, economically speaking. You're feeling that well known economic crunch.
Well it's a good thing I exist, as I know some patented ways of saving you some money, so you might be able to actually go out and enjoy your spring break instead sitting motionless in your room for the entire week. (Not judging those that choose to do this, ceasing all physical movements does have it's benefits, but that's a different article entirely).
1. Avoid Bridges and/or Trolls
Look, I understand how convenient bridges are, trust me I get it. Sometimes there's a dangerous river or deep chasm you want to cross without having to hallow out a canoe or constructing a rope bridge. But trust me, they're just not worth it. Bridges may be safer and quicker than other options, but all those tolls you have to pay to the trolls that live under them can add up quick. And since the average college student can only spare so many goats, they often end up paying these tolls out of pocket. On top of all these fees, who actually enjoys dealing with bridge trolls? They're obnoxious, foul, angry creatures that often resort to wanton acts of cruelty and mischief. Your better off planning your daily routes in ways were you don't have to utilize bridges, the extra time spent traveling is well worth the money you'll save.
2. Embrace Not Having Fun
This will definitely be easier for some people to do than others, in fact, many college students already actively avoid having fun. But it's true, avoiding any kind of fun or joyous activities can have a surprisingly positive effect on one's budget. Most fun things, like going out to eat or seeing a film at your local cinema, cost money. You can save yourself a lot of cash by simply not doing these fun things. In turn, selling off anything fun you own (books, DVDs, games, etc.) is a good way of making some quick cash, and also removes the temptation of pursuing future fun activities. Thus, the cycle of avoiding fun and making money never stops.
3. Marry Rich Old People
Millennials ain't got money, but you know who does? Old people. Old people have tons of that green stuff. Add to this the fact that most old people are single and very lonely. Most octogenarians won't think twice about marrying a viable young millennial with money troubles. Once your married, all you need to do is put up with a year or two of doing old people stuff (shuffleboard, checkers, reading newspapers) until they finally kick it, and then your left with enough cash to pay off part of your student debt. Just be careful about catching feelings when it comes to your old spouse. I made this mistake with my first old wife, Dolores Pumbride, who I still to this day feel pangs of yearning for. Certainly don't plan on making that mistake twice!
