Whether you’re graduating high school, college, or moving away – the hardest part of any ending can be leaving the friends who you’re so accustomed to seeing everyday. Social media has played a major role in keeping up with old friends, but the side effect of that is that using old-fashioned methods to stay in touch has more significance and impact than it did before social media was readily available to us. Sending a handwritten card takes more time and effort than sending a text, meaning your friend will have a greater appreciation for the gesture. I’m not saying not to use social media to stay in touch, but there are other ways to go a little above and beyond to show that you value that person’s friendship.
As an only child, and as a girl who has spent the majority of her life single, it is only natural that my friendships haven taken top priority in my life. I have always been extremely invested in maintaining my friendships, sometimes even more so than I should be. This has driven me to reach out to my friends and remind them that I miss them and that I’m thinking of them in various ways. It can also be time consuming to make the effort, which usually results in failed Skype dates and subsequently, feeling bad about not reaching out next time you see their Instagram post. It can also get expensive trying to visit them all the time, especially if they are far away.
Here are 5 affordable and effective ways I have found have worked for me and my friends:
1. Write down their mailing address AND mail them a card.
Actually write down their address somewhere, not just in an iPhone note. Somewhere you won’t lose it. Even if it’s their campus box number. Ask them as soon as they move in so you have it ready and they won’t be expecting anything. Then, either for the holidays or on a random day when you think of them, write to them and let them know that you miss them and whatever else you want to say. I remember during my freshman year of college, I sent my friend a Christmas card as a surprise and she texted me saying how happy she was that she got it and that it was a much needed pick-me-up. A little bit goes a long way.
2. Send them gifts for any occasion – or no occasion at all.
If I have a friend who I know is going through a tough time, I will mail them something from Amazon that I know would make them laugh or feel better. And since you have their addresses written down, it’s easy to mail them whatever it may be. This might sound like a lot of effort, but if it’s off of Amazon, Amazon saves addresses and therefore it is actually super simple to send your friends surprise pick-me-up gifts. It can even just be an item that made you think of them for whatever reason. I’m not saying you should send them that $200 dress from Anthropologie that “is so her” (unless you are willing and able to do so). It can be something as simple as a keychain you saw of his or her favorite animal for $3.00. I did this for a friend of mine and she was thrilled about it. She told everyone she knew and still thanks me for doing it even though it was 6 months ago. So instead of just sending your friend a Snapchat of something that reminds you of them, actually buy it and send or give it to them so it doesn’t disappear 10 seconds later.
3. Actually schedule a time and date to catch up.
Everyone has their own way of keeping in touch. Some text, some tag each other in memes, some call and some FaceTime. I definitely can be all 4. And don’t get me wrong – tagging friends in memes has actually been super helpful with helping me keep in touch with them. But that obviously doesn’t exactly compare to an actual phone conversation. One issue that often arises – and I’m guilty of this as well - is when you keep saying “We need to catch up! Next week?” and then someone forgets (or you both forget) and it either never happens or gets postponed for a month. Pick a date and time that works for both of you and put it in your calendar. Set a reminder or alarm if you have to. Treat as if it were a business meeting.
4. When you do catch up, remember what they say and follow up.
This sort of goes along the lines of scheduling a specific date and time to catch up, but one method I also learned from a friend was to make a note when your friend tells you about an upcoming life event, or anything of that nature. One time I told one of my friends about an upcoming interview I had, and she said, “When is that? I’m going to put that in my calendar.” I thought she was kidding, but low and behold, the morning of my interview she texted me and wished me good luck. I remember thinking that was one of the nicest things, and have even started doing it myself. This also doesn’t just have to be for interviews or any major life events, you can ask how a date went or if that major presentation at work was successful… the list goes on. Really any occasion that you make enough effort to set a reminder or mark your calendar shows that you genuinely care and are interested in how your friend is doing.
5. Use Facebook, Snapchat Instagram, etc. as excuses to check in with friends, not methods.
“You went to Taiwan?? How was that?” Sure you can like and comment on their photos on social media, but that won’t tell you much about their experience. If you see your friend traveled somewhere, or clearly did something or worth reaching out for, by all means, reach out! You’ll both be glad you did.
After creating this list, I realized that there are two supplemental “methods” to the five I’ve already listed. To make it easier to actually implement and follow through with the above strategies, I recommend the following: a. Purchase a small “friend” calendar, specifically designated to keep track of your friends’ events and catch-up dates, and b. Purchase an address book to keep track of your friends’ addresses. Or you can kill two birds with one stone and buy a planner that includes both.
