Attending high school in the heart of Portland, I was in the best place possible to train myself as a hipster. It took away two years of my life that I can never get back, but luckily now I can laugh about it (albeit a little ashamedly).

P.S. - while looking for gifs to perfectly accompany these ridiculous actions, I somehow stumbled onto a result called "gif de hipsters," which I believe to be basically the deep web of hipster gifs. I did not venture into that dark land, but you have been warned.

1. Live in Portlandia.

Okay, so this obviously isn't an actual city, but I do live in Portland. So fortunate I am, to be surrounded by other perfectly ironic fellows. I'd high five you all, but that seems too conventional, so I'll just tip my antique bowler hat in salutation.

2. Drink an ungodly amount of tea.

Iced tea, tea with lemonade, tea with burlap wrapping, tea with German rock sugar from Teavana, all the tea in the world could not quench my thirst for this facet of the hipster lifestyle. I'm not sure why this was part of the regiment, but for a solid year and a half, I drank more tea than I have in the many years since. It's a miracle I ever went to class for the amount of time I spent in the bathroom.

3. Wear horrible sweaters.

At one point, I was wearing scratchy sweaters that had cats, mustaches, and bad puns on it. It was horribly itchy, but gods, was I proud of it. Until of course, one day when I walked into a store with my brother and he turned back and just laughed at me and that ridiculous sweater. Do I sort of wish I had kept it? Yes, even though it was pretty revolting.

4. Go to clothing exchange stores.

Hot pink velvet heels, flouncy teal floor-length dresses, musty tweed jackets... the stores had them all. The weirder it was, the more likely it was to be put on display. Of course, you put the captain's hat with the latex blazer and plaid golf pants. Don't you see? It's so ironic. I must admit, this clothing exchange franchise wasn't something I went to until the last months of my hipster age, but all the cool kids (ironic kids? hipster kids? Do you call popular hipster kids cool?) went there.

5. Love facial hair.

As a 16-year-old girl, I had no idea why facial hair was a big deal. I didn't actually like facial hair all that much, the only experience I'd had with it being the wispy non-mustache my boyfriend had. For some reason, though, beards and mustaches took the internet by storm, and so I, too, the faithful follower of the hipster non-movement, accepted and adored facial hair.

6. Constantly wonder if you are authentic.

Of course, I wasn't ever sure I was authentic. Sure, I layered collared dresses with hipster sweaters and dutifully wore my knee socks with oxfords. I drank my tea (no milk or sugar, please), and wore glasses that I swore were for class (but I could see pretty decently compared to now). I was never really sure if I was being "hipster" enough, though. I constantly started sentences with "I feel like . . ." or "Maybe . . . " to keep myself safe from being potentially wrong about my own lifestyle choice. Eventually, I grew out of that, and realized that I'm actually quite opinionated, but at the time, it ruled over me, like Portlandia ruled over the hipster movement.