Perhaps one of the most regrettable aspects of the college experience is the lack of some of your furriest, most loyal friends: your pets. Sure, you can have a fish, but what good is that? They are not nearly as interesting as Finding Nemo has led us to believe, and more importantly, maybe you should be able to, oh I don’t know, pet your pet. Every fish I have ever tried to pet has not reacted well, so if you ask me, fish have a questionable claim to the designation at best. No, it seems only non-aquatic (or semi aquatic—turtles are pretty cool) animals can truly satisfy that need for a nonhuman pal, which leads to a very real condition I shall call “College Pet Withdrawal.” Luckily, I have devised a number of ways to alleviate your symptoms until you can get home to see Spot or Mittens or your more creatively named critter.
Cat gifs. CAT GIFS EVERYWHERE.
If you were to ask today’s average youth what that crazy “internet” you’ve been hearing so much about is for, some would most definitely say cats. It has produced Grumpy Cat, perhaps the most influential four-legged creature of our time. The web is chock full of cats hoping to become the next big thing, and they are all available for your viewing pleasure. Next time you’re missing your kitty, give yourself a study break (WARNING: this is likely to turn into a two hour affair) and watch cats falling into bathtubs, squeezing into boxes and just generally being purrrrrrfect. Yeah, I said it, and I’m not sorry.
Pillow Pets
You might remember the first commercial you saw for pillow pets and its imaginative jingle: “It’s a pillow. It’s a pet. It’s a pillow pet!” The concept is pretty self-explanatory. It’s basically a pillow with an animal’s head on it, which is not nearly as creepy as it sounds. Don’t be misled by the fact that all of the children in the commercial appear to be under the age of ten. The website affirms that its mission is “to bring smiles to faces of all ages by offering friendship, love and loyalty as well providing a comfy, snugly place to rest your head at night!” So they combine the “friendship, love and loyalty” of a stuffed animal with the age appropriateness of a pillow. Win win.
Stray Dogs
Okay maybe not stray, per se. You should probably try to avoid contracting rabies. But if you wander around campus on a nice day, you are bound to see someone taking their dog for a walk. Fortunately, we as a society have decided that this is one of the only instances in which it is socially acceptable to walk up uninvited to a stranger and start petting their companion, so take full advantage when the opportunity presents itself. Also be on the lookout for puppy parties. Notre Dame, in all its infinite wisdom, sometimes holds literal parties on campus for the express purpose of giving students access to puppies because exams are scary and they make us sad, and what could be more therapeutic than frolicking around with a little golden retriever for an hour?
Friends
It turns out that human friends can sometimes be just as good as their nonhuman counterparts. Is it weird to pet another person? Maybe. But under the right circumstances it can be acceptable, for example, if they’re wearing a fuzzy coat or you’re playing with their hair. A walk with a roommate can be just as good as a walk with a pet. You can probably ditch the leash though, unless they’re inclined to chase squirrels for a good Snap Chat. You can make them love you more by giving them treats, but they would probably prefer candy or cookies to Milk-Bones. I’m not sure if you could amuse yourself by watching them chase a laser pointer all over the room, but it’s worth a shot.
