When a show like "Game of Thrones" or "Orange is the New Black" has so intensely permiated modern pop culture, it can be hard to dive into a show so long after everyone around you. People have been posting on Facebook regularly for years about avoiding spoilers while simultaneously spoiling the show by posting vague statuses like, "omg if I see any GoT spoilers I will delete you" followed days later by "GUYS GUYS THE END OF THIS SEASON I WON'T TELL YOU ANY SPECIFICS BUT THIS REALLY IMPORTANT THING HAPPENED AND NOW I'M GOING TO SHARE A BUNCH OF FAN THEORY BLOG ARTICLES ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED!!!!" The only thing the statuses have in common are their extreme lack of punctuation.
Since "Game of Thrones" started, I have been avidly avoiding spoilers. I didn't have the time to dedicate to the show when it began, but I wasn't sure if I was ever going to watch it, and I knew that, if I did, I would want to go into it with no preconceptions. I avoided spoilers so skillfully that the only things I knew about the long running running show were that there was a lot of blood, a lot of death, and a lot of tits. Oh, and Ben Wyatt of "Parks and Recreation" told me that it was telling human stories in a fantasy world. But that's all I got.
A few people tried to get me into the show. I dated someone briefly who had an HBO Go login, and he insisted that I watch the show. However, he never managed to turn it on until we had had a few beers with his roommates and were clearly not paying any attention. He even tried to give me a run-down of the concept of the show so that I would get it, but, knowing almost literally nothing about the show, I wasn't inclined to believe him when he told me that winter went on for a very long time and there were crazy zombie killing things that came with it. I thought for sure he was mixing another popular show that I have yet to watch, "The Walking Dead," with "The Chronicles of Narnia" and the White Witch.
Imagine my surprise when I began watching the show by myself and he wasn't just screwing with me.
Anyway, finally jumping onto the band wagon so late in the game (of thrones??? Am I doing this right??), I decided to share with you all actual things that I sent my friends during the pilot episode of Game of Thrones:
1. What the hell is this show? I am two minutes in and there's a Satanic circle of bodies.
2. Why does that one dude look like Matt Damon?
3. Never mind, Matt Damon is dead.
4. So much dead.
5. Why are there zombies?
6. Just straight up cut off his head.
7. How did they have this much budget for a pilot?
8. I think I'm in love with Arya.
9. How many beheadings are there in the first 15 minutes?
10. I want someone to look at me the way Jon Snow looks at puppies.
11. Why am I weirdly attracted to Tyrion Lannister?
12. Did you know Peter Dinklage is a vegan?
13. Okay, but Hhaleesi's brother can eat an entire bag of dicks.
14. Bran, you said you wouldn't climb! You're going to die.
15. Woah Woah Woah hold up—the Queen is banging her twin????
16. WTF, did he just kill Bran?!
17. What is happening, what do you mean that is the end of the episode? What am I even watching?!
