On the first day of freshmen year, I thought to myself "I'm not ready for college." While I felt unprepared for the journey that I was about to start and the changes it would bring, a small part of me felt completely ready. I was ready to go outside of my community and meet new people. I wanted new adventures at midnight with new friends and if we got lost we got lost. I wanted to see what full independence felt like, as much as my mom hated the idea of letting her baby girl go. I wanted to see new things and learn stuff the hard way, in a way.
What I wasn't ready for was what would happen the first time I needed a hug from my mom and not being able to get it. I wasn't ready for having to take care of myself the first time I got sick. I wasn't ready for how I would feel when everything was going wrong and the only way I could really cope was figuring out what I had to do, not what others told me I needed to do. I wasn't ready for what would change, within myself and with my circumstance. I wasn't ready for being on my own, as much as I wanted the full freedom. Truth be told, I wasn't ready for a lot of things and that's ok. I'll admit it because I have no shame in admitting it.
I really struggled my freshmen year of college. I didn't adjust as well as I thought I would. I was failing a class my first semester (though, I will say I did end up with a C+ in that class at the end) and I was a good student in high school. I worked weekends only and missed out on a lot of things like sporting events, club competitions, and other events similar to that. I don't regret working because I love to work, what I wish I would have done was suck it up and work in dining all year as much as I didn't want, not just the last half of my second semester.
What I was ready for was the challenge of college classes. I like pushing myself and having to be uncomfortable with something. I pushed myself to think outside the box and my classes helped me with that. I was ready to learn how to be completely independent, though I also loathed the idea a tad bit. I may not have been completely ready to be away from home for long periods of time, but I was ready for some aspects of college because I love to continually learn and grow as a person. College is hard, but it's worth it.
In the end, I realized that I was ready for everything. I grew so much as a person that my parents noticed a difference the first time I came home. I learned more about myself in one semester than I ever had before. I met new friends who I'm still close to and I grew apart from those that I was close to in high school. College is worth it for me in the end. I ended my first year after trying new things like Judo and going on two am adventures with friends and getting lost, but it helped me make a pledge to myself that I would try new things more often because the lead to great memories.
I truly love Ball State and I can't think of any other university that I would want to attend.
