I know it has been awhile since we talked but thought it was time to bring you some clarity. I made the decision to walk away from you, and I know you are not happy with that decision. If it was up to you, we would be in the same place we were a couple months ago. You would have me questioning every day, what we are and what I mean to you. I would still be up every night wondering if I am doing something wrong or what the hell is wrong with me that I am not good enough. Well, that game is over now. I have come to the conclusion that you are not my prince charming and never will be. I have found so much clarity in my thoughts since I walked away from you. Things are better now...well...sometimes. I still question why didn’t things work out. I wonder if it was really my fault and why I could not be enough for you.
You had a way of making me feel insecure about everything. We could not hang out without feeling like I had to look perfect. Any lack of perfection made me feel like my whole world was falling apart. I wanted nothing more than for you to tell me that I was enough. Enough for you. Enough for a relationship. I was enough that you wanted to be with me. This made our relationship so toxic. I spent time trying to keep you instead of enjoying the time I had with you. I spent more time trying to be what you wanted instead of being who I truly was. I want to say I lost a part of me in our "relationship", but that’s a lie. I lost all of myself. My confidence. My personality. My dignity.
In the end, that was a blessing. I got to re-find myself. I got to invest in myself and find a whole new confidence that no one can take away from me. I started acted like myself, in a way I haven’t in months. I started living every day knowing I was enough and that no one could tell me different, especially not you. I raised my standards, promising myself I will never let someone treat me the way you did.
Some days I miss you, but most days I realize how much better I am without you. I remember the nights spent laughing and every cute text you sent me, and I sit there and smile. Then I remember the nights I spent alone in tears at the thought of not being enough and the nights I spent alone because you had better things to do, but surprisingly I also sit there and smile because you do not control me anymore. You cannot control my emotions anymore. I freed myself from all your expectations and negativity. I laugh at the thought that I ALMOST lost myself trying to be what you wanted.
Now it is time I say goodbye for good. I left the insecure me in the past now it is time I leave our memories in the past too. I let go of you, now it is time I let go of us. I am enough. I am worth so much more than the way you made me feel. You do not control my emotions or thoughts anymore. I have proved that I am strong enough to walk away from you now it is time I prove that I am strong enough to take on life on my own. Thank you for showing me that I deserve better.
The girl that IS more than enough