Thank you for loving my best friend so dearly. She is so lucky to have found someone who adores her as much as you do. I’m forever grateful for the happiness you bring to her. She deserves the world, and I expect you to give her that. Her witty character never goes unnoticed and can sometimes be a lot, but I’m sure you know that by now by all the laughter she brings you. She has the biggest heart and will always put you before herself. Don’t take advantage of that. In fact, please reciprocate it since she is the princess we’re talking about here. With that being said, here are 21 warnings you should take very, very seriously.
Take this list, print it out and stick in your back pocket. You’re going to need it.
WARNINGS:
1. We are a packaged deal. You marry her, you get me too.
2. Karaoke will be a weekly event.
3. I was here before you, so don’t expect me to disappear.
4. She has never been one to keep up with shaving her legs on a regular basis, so don’t expect that to change.
5. If you ever hurt her, you can bet you’re on my list.
6. She goes to the tanning beds when she has a new environment to encounter as she has invented the quote “being tan makes you more approachable.”
7. When she forgets to make her lunch, Pizza Rolls are always a safe bet to cook up for her quickly. Or Taco Bell.
8. She deserves a lot of attention from you, so set her on a pedestal (or any elevated surface, but don’t blame me if she starts dancing).
9. She already has your wedding song picked out, so don’t even try to fight her on that one.
10. She wants a lot of little ones. Prepare yourself. She’s convinced she will be a supermom someday. In fact, she tells me she’s a supermom now, and doesn’t even have kids. Good luck!
11. Impulse buys lead to everlasting memories. So let her buy that donut innertube.
12. If she suggests a random photoshoot, 100 percent do it.
13. Never underestimate her ability to get things done at work. It is a superpower of hers.
14. Making an appearance in public with both of us can be a scene. You have our permission to act like you don’t know us. We’ve accepted this.
15. She prefers shorts and t-shirt over dressing cute for a date. You lucked out with that one.
16. Be sure you always have her latest cravings in the pantry, or you will find yourself making late night trips to the store.
17. She will quote the movie Superstar every chance she gets. You can credit me for that one… I was the one who showed her that movie.
18. Don’t be surprised if it’s girls' night, and you get sent to the store.
19. But know that when you make your delivery, your invite will be extended. Therefore, you’ll be trapped at girls' night.
20. If she has nothing to do and is annoying you, take her for a car ride and just blare Shania Twain. That’ll do the trick.
21. We have special codes. Don’t even try to understand them, and no, you will not have the privilege of being in “the know.” Sorry bout it.
After being her best friend for quite some time, I can assure you all of these are blessings and not curses. Many fun and everlasting memories come from them. Sharing time with you will not be easy for us as we tend to be inseparable, but I’m going to leave you with one last hint. If she ever cries, tell her how much you love her and care about her because assurance is something she thrives off of. Welcome to the dynamic duo. You’re stuck with us!!!
