I’ve always been told, “Hannah, don’t rush into anything,” or “Hannah, you need to think before you get yourself into this.” I used to be quick to judge. Too unaware of my surroundings and too oblivious to the circumstances I was getting myself into. I was quick to anger, quick to speak and not listen, and quick to doing and not thinking. I was a child, in simpler terms.
I thought I had an idea of what love should be like -- carefree, wild, and somewhat adventurous. However, I also knew what love should not be like -- controlling, jealous, judgmental, angry, clingy. He knew, and now I know, that I was created for an even better love than what I have known. A love that does not provoke negativity in my life. A love that does not hover over my actions. A love that does not try to restrict me from reaching my goals. A love that does not remind me of my weaknesses. He replaced an earthly love with something even more extraordinary -- His love. When I was broken, I was wrapped in a cloak of healing and forgiveness. God’s love enveloped my mind, body, and soul, and transformed me. A new me was created -- the woman God had in mind.
I made a pact with myself that I will not get into another relationship until I feel so secure and comfortable with God, that if the man I were to fall in love with should leave, I’d be perfectly fine.
So, for the man I love next…
You come second. God comes first. You will not become the center of my world; you will be a part of it, but you will not be all of it. God will be the core of our relationship. In all that we do, we will acknowledge Him and give Him glory. I will honor and respect you, but I will not be submissive to you. You will not find me begging for your attention, nor will you find me becoming dependent. I am an independent woman and in only one situation am I dependent on a man and that will not be you. I will love you with all of my being, but I will love Him more. You’ll quickly find out that I either love with everything in me or I do not love at all. I’m okay with coming second in your life as well, as long as I am second in line to God.
Know that you will be loved, immensely, by a god-fearing woman who will put you first in everything that she does if it honors thy Father. You will be acknowledged in all of your endeavors, you will be praised, you will be spoiled, you will be respected. You will know the love Christ had for His church, because that is how I will love you. If God has intended for our paths to cross, at whatever point we may meet, I will grasp the opportunity to love and will love you to the best of my abilities.
I rushed head-first into a love and I still continue to, everyday. A love that knows no bounds. A love that will not leave me or allow me to feel less than my worth. A love that reminds me constantly that I am never alone, nor will I ever be. A love so great that “the oceans cry out” and the “mountains bow down.” Because I have learned of this love, I have realized that if I am to truly love another, I must love God first.
1 Corinthians 13: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, it keeps no accounts of wrongs. Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
