Depression is waking up one morning
Fifty things running through your head at once
Making mental lists of things you need to get done before the day ends
Articles to write and/or edit, things to read, papers to complete, shifts to work
It is knowing all the things you know you have to do
But not being able to make yourself do them
It is not just laziness or not "feeling" like moving
It's desperately wanting to get up and move and be productive
But you just can't
You realized your body and brain are linked and your brain
Has had enough

Anxiety is the mental lists you make
1. get up
2. shower
3. brush teeth
But you feel your heart pound in your chest when it takes you hours just to
Get past 1
It is tapping your fingers at a stop light when a car gets too close
Or when you can't find a parking spot
It is thinking of every last possible thing that could happen,
Whether it be as easy as looping around the parking lot one more time to find a spot
Or having to drop out of college because you missed a class and somehow failed it
Anxiety is knowing how dumb that sounds
But "What if?"

Having both is torture
Having both is a never-ending war in your own mind, knowing things you should be doing but can't
Knowing that being around people would help but not having the energy to be around people for that long

Every day is a struggle
I am constantly at war with my own mind and I still look for ways to quiet the battles
Some days are easier than others
Some days I can't move from my bed, a pounding migraine from the clanking of weapons behind my eyes
But some days are good, and the good days make it worth it
I won't stop fighting