Did you hear the one about the perpetually tired college freshman with an overwhelmingly busy schedule?
Hint: it's me. There's not really any humor behind that.
The worst thing about being busy constantly is when I have down time, I still feel like I should be doing something. I feel like I'm a bad person if I sit and scroll through social media for a few minutes, or for taking a nap, or for even just reading a book for a little bit. I feel as though I should be doing other homework, or that I should be at work, or that I should be practicing music or doing this or doing that.
I swear my down time is filled with more stress than my actual busy times.
I guess calling myself lazy isn't fair to me. I mean, I'm always doing something. I have a full class schedule, along with marching band and soon to be pep band, I work at Target about 3-4 days a week, and I'm an art student, so I always have art projects to be working on. So why do I feel so bad for taking a break?
Hell, I'm even stressed over the fact that I'm not going to be able to do much this Thanksgiving break. I get my wisdom teeth out Monday, have three days off for that, and then it's back to work right on Thanksgiving again. I keep promising myself that I'm going to get caught up on homework while I'm recovering from my surgery rather than resting, but I don't know if that will be possible.
I don't know.
It's like I need a break during my break.
If only I had two days of complete stall time where I could get all of my work done and then be able to sleep for 3 days straight. That would be fantastic.
Of course, though, I know that working all at once burns me out quickly, so I have to take it in small increments. The problem with that is I only have a few free slots in my daily schedule, so I'm always scared that I'm not going to get the things I need to do done in that time.
It's a constant cycle of doing one thing after another and taking a break here and there and feeling too guilty about it so I have to start doing something else. It's so scary and anxiety-inducing.
I hope I am not alone in this feeling.
