Leaving home and not feeling tied down at all horrifies me. The heartbreaking realization of wasted opportunities, meaningless friendships, and not expressing my true self would leave me absent minded.
For a healthy amount of time, I want to be sad knowing that my time at this place, with these people, meant something.
I want to miss the reminder texts telling me, “you’re beautiful, in-case you forgot” because thanks to them, I never did forget. Teary-eyed, I ache to reminisce over the bursts of hope that continuously filled my heart. My rainy days became filled with joyous dancing and singing, and for this I owe them the sun. My naps will miss the added comfort of sweet-smelling shoulders, my hugs will miss the airplane arms of so many familiar faces, my silly jokes will miss the memorized melody of their laughs.
I want to miss the well rested feeling of falling asleep to innocent “Sleep well.” texts and waking up to excited “Good morning!” texts. I want to miss the odd nicknames given that held my friendships together and made them feel inseparable. I want to miss their pure tears and cry knowing that those tears allowed me to see clearly again. The moment I hear “that” song unwittingly play at my new favorite coffee shop, I anticipate jumping out of my seat. As memories fill my mind, I will tell myself, “The past has a way of repeating itself." I will always keep this phrase in mind because I hope that my future will be filled with just as much harmony.
Eventually with laugh lines, I hope to reread the lighthearted letters that allowed me to live youthfully. Innocence is a wonderful quality, and it will never be forgotten. With endless laughter, I yearn to recollect the jumbled up emails and stories that were once written. Perhaps they can be reanimated over coffee? Maybe even tea, it doesn’t matter. I will open up my colossal memory box, and their soft tears will be reciprocated as I rejoice in delicate handwriting. Their treasured drawings will make my heart ache after I realize how much love they filled me with. The very first letter that showed me the power of sharing words will still make me feel weightless, and as a result of those words, I still know that I can become an astronaut IF I want to become one.
Lately a quote that once seemed irrelevant now comforts me in preparation for the future, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard (Winnie the Pooh)”. Before, I never quite realized the beauty that surfaces with change. Regardless of how favorable life may be, change is bound to happen. A loved one may pass away, parents may separate, a best friend may move across the country, or you may move away to start a new journey.
The sorrow that comes with any transition acts as a reminder of its worth: they meant a lot to you, you will miss them, you love them. How remarkable it is to feel something: happiness, connectivity, love, and even sorrow.
A goodbye is a goodbye. Maybe you will see them again, but you might not. In both situations, when you realize the power of your investment in that connection hopefully you will miss their wonderful reminder texts, their quirky dances in the rain, and even their sweet-smelling shoulders. Hopefully after all of the nostalgia, you will understand that a memory is forever, and these memories will always have the potential to fill you with the same level of delight.
The joy that they have brought you will always be remembered; these memories will always be in your heart.
I wish you all well on your anticipated journeys.
