Do you feel like you have a rock tied to your foot forever weighing you down, depression it can be a funny thing, can't it? Somedays you will feel like you are on top of the world and nothing can hold you back except for yourself and other days you don't even want to get out of bed you just feel like the world is out to get you. Feeling happy is not always the easiest thing for me anymore, I know I should feel happy about my life and that most could look at my life and not understand why I wouldn't be happy and truthfully, I don't know. Sometimes I am happy, and it does not take all my energy to just take a shower and those days are some of the best in the world and don't take me wrong I'm not saying that I am always unhappy and that I have this horrible life because that is not the case at all. I have a strong outlook on life I have three amazing dogs the two most amazing best friends in my life, I couldn't ask for more in my life.
Depression, however, is like that black cloud that no matter how sunny is always in the background waiting on just one thing to go wrong. The thing that bothers me the most however is when someone that does not know what is going on with me will say, “Don’t worry everything gets better or you have an amazing life.” I know I have a good life, I don’t need the reminder when you say that to me my mind automatically takes it as they are ashamed that your depressed, or you are bringing them down. I don’t want to be bringing others down I don’t want to be sad myself. I know that my depression doesn’t make sense and that I should feel happier about my life I just don’t I am working through my issues though, I must explain though that just because I might not have anything to you to be upset about my mind does not work like everyone else.
I’m different it is not a dreadful thing it just makes me who I am I have Depression yes and PTSD but that does not define who I am it is just one more thing to me. Just another layer another step in my life, it's forever changing but it does not just go away because you tell me, “Don’t be sad you have so much to live for!” I will always have something to live for and you telling me that does not make my issues just go away like a puff of smoke yes, I have a disability and yes, its invisible to the masses but, it does not control my life completely it just makes it hard sometimes, but I am working on it as hard as I possibly can. I can attest that having depression can be emotionally and physically draining and that not worrying about something just makes me want to worry more but I will never say that I want special treatment or that I am somehow special because I deal with an issue that effects parts of my life it’s just who I am and if someone does not like that I deal with that or that I don’t hide everything and put a big smile on my face twenty-four seven that is their problem,
