For as long as I can remember, I have been dreaming of what it would be like to have that shiny perfect ring on my left finger, wearing a white floor-length gown and walking down the aisle to my happily ever after. Little did I know, I had to have the man in order to have all of those things come true. Now that I have the man, I do not have any of those things, nor do I feel close to having any of those things -- anytime soon that is -- which brings me to the ultimate question, "Am I waiting on the ring or the man?"
This question first arose when I found myself pondering life -- realizing that I had been asking my dream guy almost every day for two weeks when that special little question was going to be asked or when I was finally going to get that perfect little ring. The pressure of social media was clouding my judgement. I was seeing everyone from the school, of which now I am an alum, getting engaged or married. It filled my life with envy. The sight of "everyone" on my news feed had been moving on with their loved one, getting their lives started together and on the road to their happily ever after, really enraged me with greed.
Then reality hit me. What is the purpose of what I am waiting on and desiring? I sat myself down to really think about the most important question that I have been chasing to be asked. My focus had been on the shiny new penny instead of him, or myself. I was too focused on the next step, instead of the process of getting to that next step. In my boyfriend and I's relationship, it's more important to prepare for each other and our future before we can even have a future. Both of our hearts needed to be in sync with what we want for the next few months, even years. I just got hired on full time, and he is hired full time. We both are barely getting our feet wet on what it is like to be independent. In no way are we emotionally or mentally prepared for the next big step.
Life has been good. We've grown, we've discovered, we've fought and we've mended. We're understanding who we are as a couple in Christ before even trying to understand ourselves as possible husband and wife. I've been so focused on the future that I'm not taking the time to care and nurture the here and now of our relationship to better prepare myself for him and him better prepare himself for me. So the answer to my initial question, "Am I waiting on the ring or him?", I had discovered that I had been waiting on the ring. You have to have one before the other, first, and the rest will fall into place. The weight I was causing my own prince charming was burdening and unfair. My new focus has shifted to better take care of my own heart and find out the true purpose behind receiving the ring and what it means for the both of us.
Don't get me wrong, the desire to have that question asked will not leave. But after this soul search, I've decided the best-waiting technique is to no longer look and dwell on the ring, but to take a step back and focus more on waiting for the heart of this man and what God has called the both of us to accomplish as individuals, and as a couple. Waiting on the ring will not leave, but my waiting on one or the other first will change.
