I've waited for the high for a while now. I've waiting to be bursting with emotion. To feel so deeply that nothing can bring me down; nothing can stop me. I've waited to be filled, pursued and poured into.
I've waited for the Jesus-high.
You see, I'm on this thing called "Summer Mission." It's basically a missions trip put on by a college organization called Cru that last the entire summer. My summer mission is within the United States - Jersey Shore to be exact. Like most other mission-related events, it took a lot of faith and prayer to get here. And well, now that I'm here, I've found myself waiting for my spiritual life to take off.
This "high," seems to come so naturally to most people who are involved with missions. God is moving in great ways and you are seeing His work first hand as individuals around you give their lives to Christ. It's only natural to feel His presence even more strongly in your life. It's the feeling you get from a powerful song or a well-spoken sermon. A literal fire burns in your heart for one thing: The Lord.
But it's not all gospel singing and Jesus-highs on this mission. In fact, I've seen my fellow missioners experience more lows than highs. Illness, spiritual warfare, frustration, lack of faith, death, suffering, family difficulty. In a place where God is supposed to be our focus, the world keeps seeming to steal the spotlight.
Jeremiah 29:13 - “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”
All my heart. I don't even know what that looks like right now. I (along with so many other) am relentlessly pursuing the Lord. I wake up begging Him to reveal Himself to me in ways I cannot imagine. Save the souls I'm sharing the gospel with. Bless my friends around me who are continuously beaten down with hardships. Give my family rest back home. These are my daily prayers that have been on my heart for weeks.
My discipler for the summer spoke some simple, wise words to me the other day. She encouraged me to depend on God through faith by saying, “God is always good whether we feel that way or not.” What a counter-cultural thought. In a world where emotions run our lives and feelings are constantly followed, remembering God is good through every high and low is such a comfort.
The Lord does not need to come on His white cloud to be here. He doesn’t need to write our destinys' in the sky for us to have faith to follow him. Tears don’t need to be shed every time the Lord allows trials into our lives - though often times, they do come. God works in mysterious ways, but not all people have defining moments that reveal God to them so clearly.
Finding the Lord in a spiritual high is riveting. It pulls you in and you want more, more, more of Him! Jesus-highs give you a glimpse of heaven, what it will be like to be infatuated with your Creator more than you could even imagined possible on this earth. But the bigger the high, the greater the low once you come down from that high. I desire to be constant in my love for God. I am a servant of the Lord everyday. I am a child of the Father every minute. At all times, God unconditionally loves me. Not just when I "feel" it.
