A few weeks ago via the Cosmopolitan Snapchat story, the world was introduced to a new and fast-growing trend: Breadcrumbing.
Urban Dictionary defines “breadcrumbing” as “When a guy or girl gives someone just enough attention to keep their hope of a relationship alive.”
Reading it in black and white like this makes it feel like a punch in the stomach, and makes you think “why would someone do that?”
In reality, we have all done this.
When I read this, I had the exact same initial reaction. I thought about all the guys that have done this to me and have made me feel used, unappreciated, and cheap.
Very quickly though, I realized I have done the same thing to boys without even realizing I was doing it. My intentions weren’t bad, but the results were.
Having this practice confined to this single term makes it concrete and real and more hurtful when you know someone is doing it to you; or you’re doing it to them.
You could consider “breadcrumbing” the “gray area of dating.” You’re not nothing, but also not anything at the same time. He makes sure to text you right when he knows you’ve moved on and pulls you right back into this cyclical pseudo-relationship.
Although there is now an updated term for this process, I don’t think it’s anything new.
Dating as a millennial is not black and white. Dating in today is a constant gray area. Because the capability for instant satisfaction is so readily available, and dating apps have become the norm, the act of “wining and dining” someone has gone away as quickly as these dating app relationships end.
We have left this figurative fork in the road of dating behind, and are now instead faced with a hundred different routes to take. We are no longer at a place where it’s a “yes” or “no” when asked what our relationship status is. Rather, we say things like, “we’re talking,” “we’re just hooking up,” or “it’s complicated.”
Breadcrumbing is a further extension of this. Over time, our perception of relationships has morphed from getting a father’s blessing to be able to take his daughter out to getting a semi-innocuous text asking to come over at 2 a.m.
Relationships in society have become less about the relationship itself, and more about the notoriety that goes along with said relationship. Breadcrumbing allows people to keep the bragging rights, without putting any effort in attaining them.
To be fair, I’m old fashioned. I like the idea of a guy respecting me enough to get the consent of my father to take me out, but I’m also realistic. I know that we live in a different world than when my grandparents were dating, so I’m not going to deny myself a potentially great relationship just because the guy asks me to “come back to his place” on the first date.
The issue we as millennials run into is this idea of stringing people along for our own personal benefit, and their inevitable insanity that comes from it. The idea that ghosting them and leaving them confused and hurt, but reaching out at just the right time is unfortunately not a new concept. Just like anything else in life, dating evolves. This term has evolved. It will continue to evolve. What I can’t help but wonder though is like fashion and slang, will dating trends from older decades ever cycle back through?
