It's Better To Be Single Than Settling For The Wrong Relationship

It's Better To Be Single Than Settling For The Wrong Relationship

All it takes is patience.

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We all get anxious and we all get impatient with it. We hear every cliché in the book about, "You're still young," "You still have plenty of time," and "The right person will come when you least expect it." Okay, we get it. The same thing is heard over and over again.

With all these different things that are told to us about nothing being wrong with being single and waiting for the right person, most people don't even take into consideration that being in a relationship just to say they're in one is a waste of time. Love is not as simple as it seems and you can't just expect someone to be your soulmate even if they're a spitting image of you. We all wish everything would work out smoothly with everyone, but the truth is that we are meant to wait for our true half to be out there.

Giving the wrong person all that you have (attention, love, affection, and, dare I say, even sexual relations) is wrong. They don't care about you or your needs: they just want you to make you feel better about yourself and, more importantly, themselves. They don't belong in your life and they don't care about helping you grow and change. Sometimes the unpopular alternative is for the best: Being single until that person shows up.

In today's society and lifestyle, it's very difficult to try and stay single. It's because we see all our peers and friends and what they're doing in their lives. Myself, personally, I get agitated and annoyed seeing my friends from high school continuing on relationships and some even about to get married and even having kids. People should not refuse to give people chances that are worth our time but we also shouldn't jump the gun with someone.

Just because one date with someone goes well, does not mean that person is right for you and just because you don't click with someone right away does not mean that person is not interested in you. There's plenty of other things you can do and diving into a new person every time you're single is not one of those options.

And for those with the bullshit definition of love being when you want or need to be with them every second of the day or when you depend on them and your whole life revolves around them, I suggest you stop reading this right now because you couldn't be any more wrong.

A common fear people have is never finding someone to create a life with and as a result, we lower our standards. This is the wrong route to take. Focusing on sticking with someone we shouldn't force ourselves with, both the person you're with AND yourself become (for lack of a better phrase) a tool. They use you for their satisfaction. They don't care about how it makes you feel.

To the many people out there that are still single and haven't had a real relationship, I understand the frustration. The peer pressure gets to you and it causes you to feel like you need to ask out the next man or woman you see. The loneliness and everyone you know being in a relationship seem demoralizing but it really is for the best.

Continuing for falling for the wrong person and staying in a relationship is a big mistake that you learn the hard way and before you know it, you leave the wrong person while the right person has moved on from you. Relationships aren't something to take for granted just to say you're in one: it's something that takes years and lots of patience to find. You'll find yours soon, but for now, it's a blessing in disguise to stay single.

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When We Get Swept Up In The Idea Of Love, We Fail To Understand The Meaning Behind It

We feel a spark, an intense feeling of endearment, and are quick to label it love, a product of our desperation to have it.

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Love is something we celebrate year round. That is why, despite Valentine's Day having passed by the time you read this, I am still choosing to dedicate this article to it. We strive to love and be loved. We know that it's important. We idealize what it feels like and spend our whole lives speculating about what it truly means.

Unfortunately, the price we pay in being swept up in the ideas of love that are presented to us is that we find ourselves more enthralled in our idealization of love rather than love itself.

We seem to enlist ourselves in a battle to love and be loved. To love and be loved. You see, in embarking on this journey, our motivation lends itself to more selfish terms. People begin to treat love as a transaction where they love with the condition of feeling that love in return. Love has never been a game, yet that is so often what people make of it. They are blinded by the idea that there should be a certain degree of "fairness," an even exchange, of actions and emotions. Couples keep score. Should I tell him I love him before we part ways if he didn't initiate it the last time? Do I buy him a nice gift for his birthday when he forgot to buy me flowers last Valentine's Day? Maybe if I don't do x, y and z he will realize he needs to "step it up" and treat me the way I treat him.

Love doesn't involve scores or holding out on giving someone our best just because they are not meeting our expectations.

Real love carries no expectations and builds and flourishes solely on itself. This being said, you cannot go out and truly love someone unless you have built that relationship of love and caring for your own needs with yourself. A loving relationship consists of two whole people, not two halves looking to be completed by each other. Two people with the mutual understanding that the responsibility of generating the other's happiness is not their own.

For some reason, we tend to view love as the ultimate end goal. Love is not a static destination, but rather a living breathing entity, constantly evolving. We feel a spark, an intense feeling of endearment, and are quick to label it love, a product of our desperation to have it. With time the feeling fades and because we were hasty and mislabeled the feeling, we automatically assume we have fallen out of love. You have not fallen out of love, you have merely reached the crossover between your idealized version of love and what it actually is.

People will nod their heads when they are lectured with the idea that love isn't easy yet will quickly become lazy once things are no longer as simple as they once were. They bow out when things become too hard and blame it on the fact that "they just weren't right for each other" or that "the world was against them." People find comfort in the idea that they can always find someone else and they traverse from relationship to relationship with new expectations built upon ones that hadn't been met in the previous one.

This is not love. To label this as such disgraces its true nature.

I don't really know what love is, to be honest. These are simply things I've learned and drawn from my own encounters with love, or what I think love is. Above all else, I believe that love is a vessel for growth. Real love is about learning and growing together. It is absent of "keeping score," there are no preconceived notions. It's about relishing the happiness you have when you're together. We should love not in exchange for love, but because we can. Because we want to, without restriction or expectation.

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