With the rise of Tinder and other similar apps, it seems like romantic company is just a call away, no matter how temporary that company is. It is easy then, to think that relationships are instantaneous, that you can always turn to these apps when a relationship ends. Although our first instinct after a breakup is to look for someone new, looking for instantaneous love means that you never really address your feelings from your previous relationship. Instead of healing, you’re masking your emotions with puppy love, and when the initial excitement of being in a new relationship subsides, those emotions will be there, waiting and begging for your attention. When my high school boyfriend left me right before college, I tried everything to satiate the emotional hunger I had for someone to be close with. In looking for someone new to replace the old, I overlooked the more obvious option; I could date myself.
I didn’t need a boyfriend to take me out to eat, or go bowling, or watch the newest movie. I could go all by myself and I alone got to choose the when and where. This sudden realization was life changing, I took myself out, and I did it unapologetically. I went to cute coffee shops by myself and watched the people outside the window pass me by, I went downtown and tried on nice clothes for my gaze only, I went to concerts without worrying about losing anyone in the crowd. The more time I spent alone, the more I got to know myself; what I do and don’t like, my own take on life, why I do some of the things I do, and that I actually really, really like coffee.
A year ago I would wait hours for someone who didn’t quite feel the same way about me, drop everything in a dime just to be close to them. I’d spend countless days of frustration in hopes of even one in his company, and press incessantly on a conversation I knew had died. I’m not saying I’ve reached some sort of relationship nirvana, but I’ve reached a point where I’m not trying to force a relationship that doesn’t work. I’m living my life on my own terms and if a whirlwind romance comes my way, I’ll gladly welcome it, but I won’t force it.
Is dating yourself uncomfortable? Yes, maybe you’ll get some stares for eating at a fancy restaurant alone or getting an extra large popcorn for a party of one, but that’s not important. The most unnerving part is that you’ll be forced to spend time with yourself and evaluate who you are outside of your former relationship, and only then will the uncomfortable become comfortable. That’s not to say that you have to pull away from your other relationships with your friends and your family, if anything they’ll be your cushion when you find yourself face to face with some uncomfortable truths. Dating yourself is scary, being alone is scary, but you don’t need someone else to define you. You are your own person, maybe you just need time to find out who that is.
