A few weeks ago, I sat on a couch in our music building on campus while some other students talked about what they like to call their “body count”. I had heard this term before, mostly in the really bad romantic comedy movies you see being re-run on television…Never in an actual, real-life conversation. I sat and listened to both guys and girls brag about how many people they had been with in the past few years of their life, quietly hoping that the question wouldn’t get passed my way. Not because I was scared of anything, but because I realized quickly a fact that wasn’t common among my peers: I was the only person there who is still a virgin.
And no, I’m not ashamed of that.
Being that I was surrounded by curious college kids who like to get too personal, the glances of my fellow musicians settled on me, and a silence fell upon the room. Before I even opened my mouth to defend myself, my friends began the tirade of comments I hear almost daily.
“Look at her finger, she’s still wearing a purity ring!”
“There’s no way that’s true, you HAVE to have been with at least one person by now.”
“You’re in a sorority, you’re a young, white female with blonde hair and blue eyes. Why wouldn’t you be having sex?!”
These days, the question of if you’ve had sex is almost as common as if you have a driver’s license. Which makes me think, when did it become normal to shame someone for being a virgin? Why am I any less of a woman if I haven’t had sex? The answer is that I’m not. I am not any less of a person for wanting to wait until I find the one man who I’ll spend the rest of my life with to share my body. If anything, holding on to this part of myself only makes me stronger, and able to stand by what I believe in.
I should feel 100% okay with whoever I’m with- without sex. I know what I deserve, and that goes for my mind, body, and spirit. If there’s a problem with wanting to have connections beyond the physical level, then I’m sorry to say I’ll be alone forever. I hate the fact that our generation has grown up in a culture where hookups are so normal, and almost to be expected. I hate the fact that sex is this milestone like graduating or buying your first apartment. I hate that it’s “just sex”.
But that’s the thing. To me, it’s not “just sex”. It’s something that should be a beautiful and meaningful connection with you and that special someone. I believe that this moment in my life shouldn’t happen just because I want to be a part of a conversation or because I’m feeling so pressured by everyone around me to conform to what they believe. Call me crazy, call me “vanilla”, I promise that I’ve heard it all.
I firmly believe that my partner should be able to understand and respect my decisions, especially when it comes to what I choose to do with my body. It’s hard to find someone now who won’t immediately run in the opposite direction when you tell them, “Hey, um. I haven’t had sex, and I don’t want to yet. Like, until marriage.” I’m not saying that I need to be with a saint to be happy, but being with someone who won’t push anything on me for their own pleasure or impatience is truly a blessing.
All of this to say, my accomplishments and how I treat other people matter way more to me than what some hormonal college students think. My virginity doesn’t define who I am, and it shouldn’t mean a thing to anyone else.
