We all know sexual assault on college campuses is a problem that affects too many students. One in five women will experience this, and one in 16 men will too. When you consider this horrifying statistic, it’s scary to think this could easily be someone close to you. An astonishing number of people on college campuses have experienced a serious assault. They deserve justice, right?
As women, survivors of assault or loved ones of those survivors, we are all in the same boat. There’s this intangible thing that connects all of us. We all look over our shoulder when we hear a noise late at night. We carry our keys in our hand when we walk by ourselves. We think about safety in a way that differs from men.
Yet, despite this shared narrative of fear and togetherness, so often when women come forward other women’s first reaction is skepticism and doubt. Even though the statistics obviously show that it wouldn’t be that hard for the shoe to be on the other foot. It’s like we have this sense of security that it won’t be me. That happens to other people. I would scream. I would fight. Yet, one in five women experience assault. So, why don’t we stand together more? Why don’t we stand with victims?
So many news headlines feature titles of yet another sexual assault on a college campus. But as you keep reading, too often it will lament the loss of a football player’s future of getting signed. It will mourn the loss of a basketball player’s scholarship. She ruined his life. This allegation of rape will follow him everywhere and hurt his chances of getting a good job. How dare she try and claim such a thing. He’s such a nice guy. He would never do something like that.
Excuse me, what? To me, this sounds a whole lot like he’s the victim.
Where are the articles that talk about the lifelong battle that woman is going to have to endure? The headlines talking about the trust she lost in all men. I want to hear about the phone call she made home, telling her parents the thing parents never want to hear happened to their child. What news media outlet is in the hospital with that girl as she does a rape kit? Let’s not forget who had their right to choice taken away and had their body violated in the most disgusting ways.
I am tired of catcalling and people still thinking that it is a compliment and not sexual harassment. I am tired of sexual assault being framed as the victim's fault. I’m tired of colleges and administrations standing behind the assailant. There are petitions going around campuses to keep sexual offenders on campus.
We need to stand with victims. Stand with your friends, sisters, girlfriends, partners, brothers, men, women, gender-neutral individuals and victims. They need our support.
Almost a year ago, I was raped by a member of a fraternity who’s formal I was attending. I had so much anger at being part of a statistic. I had so much anger of knowing that I would always have to carry that with me. I went to the dark places of blaming myself, of thinking I should’ve done something more to stop it, of thinking it was my fault. I wished more than anything it would just go away. I wished that getting up in the morning wasn’t hard so hard.
Thankfully, I was someone who had an amazing support system. My college took action, and I never have to see my rapist again. But so many women and other victims are not as lucky. No one should have to endure that kind of pain.
We need to speak out against anyone who says it’s the victim’s fault. I want to show every woman, victim, and everyone affected by sexual assault the power and strength within themselves. That is why I listen, believe and support survivors. Regardless of what your experience is, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation, stand with victims. Help them give voices to their experiences. Believe them when they tell you. Let them know they are not alone. Stop standing with offenders and assailants. Start standing with victims.
