On Sunday morning, the 12th of June, just like everyone else in Richmond and in the U.S. and the entire world, I woke up to the news that 20 people had been shot dead at a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. The news only grew worse when it was released by press that the death toll was actually at 50, with 53 more wounded. A police officer lost his life and so did the shooter. This incident is now being labeled as the worst mass shooting in U.S. history on U.S. soil. Pictures of club patrons after the shooting circulated around the internet and made their way to me, and I wept with the rest of the nation. When I saw a flyer for a candlelight vigil at VCU’s “Compass” (the big area in front of the library) at 9:30 on the night of the 12th, I jumped at the opportunity to mourn with my fellow students. I recognized several people there who I hadn’t seen in months but excited smiles were replaced with grim faces. It was not a happy reunion.

I arrived at 9:30pm, and a crowd had already accumulated, so I stood in the back with my candle and waited for the vigil to start. A girl with a megaphone started to speak, but I couldn’t make out much of what she said because she was far away and I was at the back of the crowd. I did hear the word “police” and the phrase “just for safety” so I asked the guy next to me what the girl had said. He explained that she had said that they’d alerted the police to the fact that they were having a vigil and that the police were on standby in case something happened. I was shocked; it had not even occurred to me that it may be dangerous to attend an event like this. This announcement made everyone jumpy and several times a dog barked near us and people in the crowd flinched away from the sudden harsh noise so much like a gunshot. I also noticed a few people hanging out near the back of the crowd and I couldn’t stop thinking, “They could have a gun right now. They could be about to shoot at us.” A man at the front of the crowd raised a dark phone to take a picture at one point and I panicked a little, thinking he was raising something else at us, something much more deadly.

I didn't take pictures because it didn’t feel appropriate to be documenting the proceedings while some people were clearly very upset and wanted a private ceremony where they didn’t have to worry about being outed. After the initial announcements, candles were lit and people were allowed to make personal testimonies or speak their mind into the megaphone. Many people said they were from different academic clubs at VCU and offered support services, giving out phone numbers and contact names. We were reminded by one girl to be wary of calling the shooting a “terrorist attack” because even though that was what it was, sometimes that can lead to possible Islamophobia when the attack has not been linked to a certain religion or Islamic extremism (the shooter’s name was Omar Seddique Mateen and that leads some people to blame Muslims or Islam for the attack.)

Unfortunately, I was unable to stay for the whole vigil, and had to leave around 10:30pm. But from what I witnessed, the support and love that went around was overwhelming. People arrived with their individual friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, and partners, but when we were all together, it felt more like one large family holding each other. We were all feeling the same sorrow for what happened, no matter what sexual orientation we were. At the end of the night, the vigil really helped me process everything that had happened, and I think it had the same effect on everyone else. No violence or protesting occurred; only love and acceptance existed that night.