Following his recent rise to celebrity status in America thanks in part to his tour of the States, Pope Francis and his team have smartly decided to begin selling replica "Pope hat thingys" available immediately. These are no knock-off-Party-City-Pope-costume Mitre either, they're official Vatican merchandise and are priced accordingly. The Papal entourage decided on this no-brainer after realizing the public's odd but justified fixation on the Pope's classy and modernly embellished sense of style, paying absolutely no mind to anything he said or did during his stay. "To not cash in would be dumb," said the Pope's business manager and agent, Ari Gold. "Since his propulsion into superstar status, we've decided to tap the American market, first with the replica hat things, then a nude calendar, maybe a movie or two, and, of course, a debut studio album. We've received huge amounts of support and even more money which is what we at the Vatican are all about. Er, no actually. I still don't know," added Gold.

As for the Pope's agenda, who cares? The dude rocks, literally. He's releasing a rock album soon, has dabbled in EDM , and is rumored to have a collaborative album with Gucci Mane, titled "Trapican." Studies show that 70% of Americans are only "pretty sure" they almost know what the Pope's job actually is, and -12% could locate the Vatican on the map. While these statistics may support the theory that Americans are stupid, the Pope may be the real dumb one here by wasting time and energy trying to convince the GOP in Congress that Global Warming isn't just a theory. One of the very outspoken Republican members of Congress coolly dismissed the Pope's claims, saying, "Yeah, the day we believe in global warming is the day we listen to a guy who wears white after Labor Day. Who does he think he is? What the Pope really wants for humanity is called Socialism and he can take that back to Russia with him when he leaves."

The Pope's American tour will resume shortly after his nap in Philly.