We have mistaken ourselves to believe that happiness is found next to a person, rather than within ourselves.
My personality is rather selfless. I give and give all of me even if the person does not deserve it. We have been taught all our lives to be empathetic, kind, and selfless. While this isn't a bad thing — it is when the person we are giving it to isn't valuing our worth. While going through a breakup I realized that I held my standard of happiness next to a person that didn't do the same. I was devastated because I felt I had lost my reason of happiness, then I noticed that all this time I hadn't been loving myself. Overall, I was the one that stayed up until three am studying, going through the feeling of my heart being shattered into a million pieces, waking up day in and day out trying to cope with all these emotions. But never once did I stop and say one nice thing to myself because all I was concerned with was what I was lacking; moreover, I came to realize that this problem is affecting many girls today — we are concerned about what others see in us rather than what we see in ourselves.
That's when I learned this:
1. Don't be so hard on yourself
Remember, you are doing the best you can. Wake up and buy yourself flowers, or your favorite makeup. Sometimes when we are in a relationship we tend to lose focus of ourselves and neglect what we love.
2. It feels like it's the end of the world, but it's not
Getting over a breakup is all in stages. The first day we want to sink in our beds and cry the whole day; just make sure that you don't make it a recurring thing. You are beautiful, kind and young — things will feel better, maybe not today, tomorrow but one day you'll wake up and start feeling optimistic. The key is not to put yourself down because your heart is broken. It is something we all go through — it's part of growing up!
3. I learned to love myself!
All my life I have loved everyone before I loved myself. The best thing that I got out of this experience is becoming totally okay with being alone. One thing that has always terrified me is being alone. I am an extrovert and love being in the company of others, but this has always been my downfall for I have never truly known myself on a personal level. I am now using this time to find out what I like and don't like, so next time when I am in a relationship I don't lose myself again.
4. Time to do the things you love
This is your time to spend more time with friends, to do what you enjoy, going to your favorite restaurants, watching the movies you want to watch without anyone's opinions dissuading you from it. I have found myself at Starbucks reading, studying and valuing my alone time. I even enjoy going to Barnes and Nobles by myself and enjoying the peace and quiet. I am now so much happier because in these past couple of weeks I have found out who I truly am.
5. Just give it time
It takes time. I have days where I wake up and I feel more torn than ever; I go back to feeling disappointed because I feel like days of being strong are crumbled up in one single day, but then I remember the words of my co-worker, "the worst already happened... It can only get better from here." And then I tell myself that I'm strong, smart and kind. And even though, I am over-emotional and sensitive I know that the happy moments in my life I feel with every inch of my soul because of how well connected I am with my emotions. And I remind myself — everything will be okay.
6. I will protect my heart
I cannot change the way I am. I am selfless and have a tremendously huge heart. I will no longer feel guilty for being emotional and caring — why does that have to be a bad thing? But I will no longer let anyone take advantage of my heart. It has already gone through too much to let it get abused and taunted. It is not my fault others do not know what it is to feel everything with intensity and care; it's a blessing not a curse.
These few weeks I have learned more about myself than I have in 19 years. I am able to enjoy my time alone watching TV, or I am no longer ashamed to sit at Starbucks or going shopping by myself. I actually enjoy it because I sit and think about my goals, aspirations and think about how great life is, not because I have a boyfriend, but because I truly love myself, value who I am and know that I won't let someone overshadow my emotions or make me feel guilty for them. It took me one gigantic heartache, but writing this I cried not because I am upset, but because I finally learned what is to be in love with myself, and that is something not a lot of people get to say.
