It was a late Saturday evening and I was hanging out with a friend. I remember him talking about a car-bicycle accident in Lee Center that just happened. Lee was on the outskirts of my town. For a brief moment it was a pause of sympathy, then I went about my business. Sunday morning I received a phone call. The bicyclist was no longer with us. The bicyclist was Joe. My heart stopped. I was in disbelief. Joe an old friend, Joe a fellow classmate, Joe a fellow teammate, Joe who cheered me in every race. Joe who went with me to freshman snowball, Joe who I suddenly wish I knew better, Joe who I wish I hadn’t missed saying hello in the hall. Joe who I figured would be at summer runs, or at a high school reunion.
Joe who just graduated high school a week ago. But, now Joe was gone. It was a feeling when the blood drains from your face and your stomach hits the floor. I’ll never forget walking into the funeral home and seeing his mom. In that moment no words of mine could express how I felt, and I couldn’t think of anything right to say. So, we just hugged and cried. It was one of those moments when your body becomes overcome with emotion, when you cannot process what is happening. Even if you can process it, the mind rejects reality. The sad reality was, Joe was gone.
The feeling when a friend passes can change our perspectives to negativity. Even if you didn’t know the person well, it is a chilling moment. A person who was once part of your life, big or small, gone reminds us how fragile life can be. However, how is negativity and sadness a way to continue someone’s legacy? Joe was a positive person, he was an encourager, he was kind. He wouldn’t have wanted people to be shadowed by a tragedy. When I changed my mindset, I learned a valuable lesson.
Never be too busy to care. When I first heard about the accident, I hadn’t put much thought about it. But the truth is, even if it wasn’t Joe, it is still someone’s sibling, daughter, son, friend, or parent. I had dismissed a tragedy because for a short time I thought that it didn’t apply to me. Yet, in life I see people, including myself, dismiss others. A car accident. Someone at school trips and drops their books. A stranger sitting on that bench is crying. An elderly person is having trouble loading groceries into their car. Since it doesn’t apply to us, or doesn’t affect us, we don’t act. In a way, it is just selfishness. This needs to change. Be selfless not selfish. Take a moment to pray for the family. Ask if you can help. Ask if someone is doing okay. Don’t be so busy in life, that you don’t have time in life to acknowledge what’s going on around you.
Death is a fact of life. Whether it is a close friend, a relative, or an acquaintance, we experience absence. Sometimes it is someone’s absence that makes us realize what a presence they had. Absence can be a troubling concept to cope with. However absence can mean that, that person, or thing in your life had an impact on you. Joe had an impact. I remember his mom saying at his wake, she didn’t realize the impact he had on so many people. That is an example of how to live. Live with an impact. Live in a way that people knew you cared. Live like Joe.
Written in loving memory of Joseph Pocchiari. August 18, 1996 - July 6, 2014.
"When I think of Joe I think of his smile,he had a love for life and lived his short life to the fullest "- Michelle Pocchiari, mother
