Over the weekend, I was lucky enough to be invited as a guest to UCLA Phi Kappa Psi’s chartering ceremony held at the neighboring Bel Air Country Club. The ceremony marked the fraternity’s rechartering after a five-year period of suspension. What came from that night wasn’t the stereotypical college shenaniganry that is attached to the word "fraternity." Instead, the night was filled with exquisite hors d'oeuvres and cocktail hour with respected and successful alumni. The speeches were touching and a lot of valuable lessons were learned from this experience.

1. There Are Respectful Fraternity Men Out There

Despite the umbrella notions of fraternity guys as mindless oversexualized idiots, the contrary is the case for these men who have displayed respect and a genuine quality of character in the short few months that I’ve known them. They are always warm and welcoming in greeting me, and act in a manner of respect and the same was evident at the chartering ceremony. Compliments all around and a genuine atmosphere of brotherhood lingered in the air. While it may because of my personal bias to these men, I still cringe when I hear the generalizations and vindictive assumptions about fraternities being the downfall of academic institutions. There are people who mess up everywhere, but if you take the time to get to know individuals at a personal level you’ll realize that many of those externally-constructed stigmas are false and there is such a thing as gentlemen in the year 2016.

2. Supporting Each Other Helps Goals Get Accomplished

I was lucky enough to be an informal hostess with my date who happened to be the organizer of the entire event. His heart and soul went into setting up the venue, communicating with alumni and making sure everything was a success (it was). Throughout the whole night, I saw how heavily involved he was with the organization and was told by brothers and alumni how much energy he put into making this event come to life. The support shared amongst these guys for their efforts in rebuilding their chapter were definitely noteworthy and significant enough to implement in any group setting.

3. Alumni Relations Matter

Hearing multiple speeches during the dinner was a bit draining at times, but the content of these speeches was inspiring. A large portion of the alumni went onto to be successful surgeons, lawyers and even founders of large corporations. From what I took from the event and the brothers' own personal accounts is that they genuinely care about the fraternity men and all their endeavors. And, they are always willing to help grant scholarships for men in financial and academic crisis. The relations between members and alumni is strong in part by the engagement on the member’s part and the genuine strive for keeping the fraternity on a trajectory to rising in the ranks and becoming prime guideposts of what fraternity men should be. Making use of the opportune networking relations with educated and experienced alumni is something everybody inside and outside of greek life should take notes on.

4. Everyone Has a Role and Duty

Something that one doesn’t get told during rush is the amount of work and effort expected of members when joining a fraternity or sorority. Glistening visions of elaborate socials and non-stop fun are what flood a potential new member's initial expectations when joining an organization. While those are included in the package, one comes to realize the actual purpose of the organization is to build lifelong relationships with equal-minded men or women and to continue the legacy of that chapter. Chances are that tenet is somewhere written in the official purposes of all organizations. To carry out this purpose, every single individual thus has an obligation and duty to keep the chapter going, whether formally through a position or informally as an active member. I saw this go on at the ceremony with every member tirelessly chatting up the alumni, their wives and assuring that everyone felt comfortable and engaged. The dedication of the Phi Psi guys to uphold their image and maintain an individual leadership within their own respective role in the chapter is something I will definitely implement in my own sororal affairs.

5. Help Others Along the Way

Philanthropy is, of course, a requirement within all fraternal and sororal organizations, but there is an encompassing spirit of community when members come together to helplessly give back to someone other than themselves. The Phi Psi brothers recently visited and serenaded a four-year-old girl named Brylee Joy who is receiving radiation treatment for her Stage IV cancer at the neighboring Mattel Children’s Hospital. The people in charge of the Talbert Family Foundation were at the ceremony and I was lucky enough to receive them at the door. Seeing the absolute appreciation they had for the brotherhood’s visit to Brylee was a beautiful moment. The impact they made on this little girl are the moments that should be examined rather than perpetuating the stigmatic generalizations of fraternities and sororities. These organizations are built upon the shared communal values of helping each other grow and others along the path to success. If anything is to be learned of this, that is the true key to success.