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Politics

How To Vacation Like Chris Christie In 11 Easy Steps

They All Require Causing A Budget Crisis While You're Governor!

Michael Hand

Jul 07, 2017

Pace University

How To Vacation Like Chris Christie In 11 Easy Steps

Fox News

Chris Christie was once hailed as a savior of the Republican party. Scores of party man and woman rejoiced as they saw the press coverage that hailed him as a hero after Hurricane Sandy. Well, except everyone who lives in or near New Jersey who better know him for being an abrasive jerk. An abrasive jerk who just so happened to not know that the traffic study he signed would screw with traffic on the George Washington Bridge for days. How does such a man vacation? Glad you asked, here are 11 easy steps for any governor can take a vacation!

1. Shut Down Your Government

Having a hard time shaking down an insurance company? The July Fourth Weekend coming up? Well no problem! Just shut down the entire government until the legislature lets you shake down the insurance company!

2. Make Sure No One Else Can Use The Beaches

Now no one can use the beach! What, it's a hot weekend near the Fourth of July? Well I guess one exception can be made...

3. Invite Your Family

For your family! Can't let your fam be dry, right Mr. Governor?

4. Screw It, Invite The Entire Extended Family To A Beach

And make sure you invite the entire extended family to the beach, which is supposed to be closed. Well except for you, you're the governor!

5. Set Up The Opposition Leader As Your Fall Guy

Yeah, it's all Prieto's fault that the beaches are shut down on one of the busiest tourist weekends of the year! Not mine! Now excuse me while I go enjoy the beach that no one else is allowed on.

6. Gotta Make Sure To Wear A Hat

If you wear a hat, then you can say that you didn't get any sun! Genius! No seriously, that actually happened.

7. Sit Back And Relax On That Beach You Shut Down

No sorry, that Prieto shut down. Just like how you didn't shut down lanes of traffic on the GW Bridge!

8. Gloat About It

If those poor regular people were governor they'd be able to trespass on state property too and be able to have whole beaches for themselves! If only they all had the work ethic to become governor! Silly residents.

9. Blame It On Everyone Else

Specifically on this guy. It's so totally not your fault that the state parks are closed when people should be profiting off tourists when you're the governor. It's this guy's fault! Totally.

10. Immediately Go Back To The Beach

Beach was looking awfully empty without you, better head back!

11. Get Ready To Retire!

Well, it's the last fight of your governorship. Why bother clocking into work again? Just retire on this beach again!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

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Recommended for you

How To Vacation Like Chris Christie In 11 Easy Steps

They All Require Causing A Budget Crisis While You're Governor!

1. Shut Down Your Government

2. Make Sure No One Else Can Use The Beaches

3. Invite Your Family

4. Screw It, Invite The Entire Extended Family To A Beach

5. Set Up The Opposition Leader As Your Fall Guy

6. Gotta Make Sure To Wear A Hat

7. Sit Back And Relax On That Beach You Shut Down

8. Gloat About It

9. Blame It On Everyone Else

10. Immediately Go Back To The Beach

11. Get Ready To Retire!

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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