How To Vacation Like Chris Christie In 11 Easy Steps
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Politics

How To Vacation Like Chris Christie In 11 Easy Steps

They All Require Causing A Budget Crisis While You're Governor!

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How To Vacation Like Chris Christie In 11 Easy Steps
Fox News

Chris Christie was once hailed as a savior of the Republican party. Scores of party man and woman rejoiced as they saw the press coverage that hailed him as a hero after Hurricane Sandy. Well, except everyone who lives in or near New Jersey who better know him for being an abrasive jerk. An abrasive jerk who just so happened to not know that the traffic study he signed would screw with traffic on the George Washington Bridge for days. How does such a man vacation? Glad you asked, here are 11 easy steps for any governor can take a vacation!

1. Shut Down Your Government

Having a hard time shaking down an insurance company? The July Fourth Weekend coming up? Well no problem! Just shut down the entire government until the legislature lets you shake down the insurance company!

2. Make Sure No One Else Can Use The Beaches

Now no one can use the beach! What, it's a hot weekend near the Fourth of July? Well I guess one exception can be made...

3. Invite Your Family

For your family! Can't let your fam be dry, right Mr. Governor?

4. Screw It, Invite The Entire Extended Family To A Beach

And make sure you invite the entire extended family to the beach, which is supposed to be closed. Well except for you, you're the governor!

5. Set Up The Opposition Leader As Your Fall Guy

Yeah, it's all Prieto's fault that the beaches are shut down on one of the busiest tourist weekends of the year! Not mine! Now excuse me while I go enjoy the beach that no one else is allowed on.

6. Gotta Make Sure To Wear A Hat

If you wear a hat, then you can say that you didn't get any sun! Genius! No seriously, that actually happened.

7. Sit Back And Relax On That Beach You Shut Down

No sorry, that Prieto shut down. Just like how you didn't shut down lanes of traffic on the GW Bridge!

8. Gloat About It

If those poor regular people were governor they'd be able to trespass on state property too and be able to have whole beaches for themselves! If only they all had the work ethic to become governor! Silly residents.

9. Blame It On Everyone Else

Specifically on this guy. It's so totally not your fault that the state parks are closed when people should be profiting off tourists when you're the governor. It's this guy's fault! Totally.

10. Immediately Go Back To The Beach

Beach was looking awfully empty without you, better head back!

11. Get Ready To Retire!

Well, it's the last fight of your governorship. Why bother clocking into work again? Just retire on this beach again!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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