Not once in high school did I truly ponder the intentions that perpetuated me. Perhaps if I had, I would have recognized that I was motivated not by my own interests, but by those of others. Maybe I would possess strong ideologies. I never would have lost sight of my own priorities. I wouldn't have been surrounded by a sea of people I knew, when I could only fill a bathtub with the ones I cared for.
We have done a brilliant job at ruling each others' lives! Together, we have constructed the ideal model of an adolescent female, scrutinizing any individual who dares to defy. Not only do we have a say in each other's fashion preferences, but in the destinations we visit, and the makeup we wear. We have even constructed our own stigmas surrounding the food we eat and the extracurricular activities we partake.
Our society is witnessing a mass production of joiners and go-getters. It is encouraged to strive to have friends and romance and to be in the loop. You may be seen as less if you are behind in school or lacking the updated technology. You may even risk criticism if you decide to forego social media. Perhaps you risk receiving looks of disapproval for conversing with controversial persons. Success today is defined by popularity, recognition, influence, participation. We rarely consider success to be attaining happiness or as making an effort.
Growing up in a society with such high regard to an image is sure to take its toll.
In high school I found myself enslaved to our societal contentions as I strived to attain success. I played sports, joined clubs, volunteered - I was even in a play. I gave up my time to practice and rehearse. I spent too many nights concerned with what I would wear or if I was on someone's bad side. I listened to endless bits of drama and gossip. I gave up so many nights with my family to spend time with friends for the fear of missing out.
It wasn't until college that I realized that what I succeeded at in high school was fitting in. The truth was that I became absorbed with my image in high school. I have always wanted to be a kind, free-spirited, compassionate person, and yet, I was merely a girl who was just like everyone else. I lacked the ability to be myself, because, as it turns out, I had missed years of practice. I had friends, and I'd dated, but I still felt lonely. Many of my relationships lacked depth or commonalities beyond playing on the same team.
I have since embarked on a new path - one foraged by me. I am no longer a follower, but a forager. For the first time I am not searching, but exploring. I have improved upon my self-awareness which had led me to introspect and inquire. I draw inspiration from the individuals I have surrounded myself with. I exercise my free will every single day as I make my own decisions. For the first time, I believe that I have found true happiness. I no longer strive to succeed in society's eyes but in those of my reflection.
