To the purest thing I've ever owned,

I saw you today at the store I sold you to sitting pristinely on display, covered in lace and buttons all the way to the bottom, and for a moment I couldn't breathe. People who saw you in the store simply saw a beautiful gown they wanted for their own perfect wedding, but for me I saw what could have been. I pulled a long, black hair from your lace much like mine used to be a few, short months ago and couldn't help but see the past.

You had been bought with the full intention of being used as my newlywed gown on May 8, 2017. Looking at you, I remember trying you on for the first time and knowing that you were the dress I wanted to be married in. You were perfect. You fit so well and when I saw you, I saw my happy, newly married life. My mother glowed with pride and my bridesmaids beamed with excitement. With the looks on their faces, I couldn't wait to see the look on my groom's face when he saw it too. I bought you without hesitation and took you out to gaze at you any chance I had, with the eyes of a naive 19-year-old ready to grow up all too fast.

Within a month of buying you, instead of looking at you in excitement, your black bag in the back of my closet made me question every choice I had made. Why did I really want to use you? Why was I so ready to settle down to a life I wasn't sure I wanted at such a young age? I thought about my answers for days, trying to push the truth back to the darkest corners of my mind. As much as I loved the man you were only to see on my wedding day, I knew in my heart of hearts that he wasn't the one meant to see you, yet I couldn't explain why. How could I love someone so much and yet not want him to be the one who walked me over a thresh-hold after our perfect little wedding? I kept quiet because I didn't want to hurt my family and most of all didn't want to hurt the one I loved so much. Every night, all I could think of was all of my dreams and goals, and not in any of them did I see a family in the next year, or a wedding, or a pretty little house in the Midwest. I had nightmares of waking up one day to an empty house, you on your model glaring at me with the mistake I'd made, drudging into a career I had never wanted. I would wake up in a sweat and look in the mirror, relieved to still see you in an unused black bag. The woman in the mirror was not one I recognized. She was still just a child, still deciding on her life choices. When I looked at my fiance, I sadly saw the same thing. We were both just two kids, unsure of what we wanted. With all of this coming to my mind, all I could think of was what if, after the marital bliss left us both, what if what we wanted wasn't each other?

The more we talked about the wedding you were to star in, the more I realized I didn't want to talk about it at all. I avoided the topic as did my fiance and for two newly engaged people, we walked around like the weight of the world was on our shoulders. We held hands and smiled for all the world to see but inside we both felt trapped. We weren't financially capable of the impending lifetime to begin with each other, we weren't emotionally ready, or mature enough to understand what we really wanted in a marriage. We both became unbearable people, irresponsible and reserved from each other. After such a long month, I broke the heart that I had held so tightly since I had first been introduced as an innocent 8 year old girl. He didn't understand and how could he? I didn't even understand.

I'm here to tell you now, I understand exactly why I couldn't use you like I wanted to so badly and I am so thankful for what you have taught me.

You taught me that not all things go the way we want them to and that's OK! As a 19 year old, I would've been a terrible wife. I would've divorced after a year. I couldn't do it. I wasn't ready and that was alright. I needed to grow in maturity before I could really understand what it meant to use you. That you were a lifetime commitment to someone who I would love throughout eternity and I wasn't ready to say "yes" to you or to that life.

You taught me that all things under the heavens happen for a reason. Growing up in a church, I had heard this from an early age, but I never grasped what it really meant. However, after giving you away, I saw exactly what this meant. God has a purpose for all of us. Sometimes, we decide to rush Him with our own plans, but my will is not always His will. He never wanted me to use you at such a young age. He wanted me to grow up and learn some hard lessons before I said yes to holding something so precious as a heart for a lifetime.

Lastly, you taught me that some people are meant to be there for a season of our life and then they are gone. This is a hard lesson to learn but it's all going to be alright. Even though I didn't spend the rest of my life with the one you were intended to see, he helped me through some of the darkest times I've experienced. He was there to comfort me through family struggles, depression, and a bout of anxiety so bad, I couldn't see the light. I recovered and when everything fell apart I wasn't back in the pits of despair as I would've been before he helped me learn to cope with my own thoughts and mind.

I wanted you to know that I will never forget you or him and all of the wonderful things I saw in you. I will always love you for what you gave me all the way through the freedom from guilt I felt when I saw you on that seller's display. You will make someone else incredibly happy, someone who is ready to use your for their own beautiful future.

Until we meet again in whatever future life brings our way,

Your Unused Bride