I am not sure where I am going with this... in fact, I have no idea what I'm doing with this funny thing called life, period.

Sometimes I am filled with this overwhelming sadness because of it. I am so scared of everything that can hurt me. I feel so fragile. So breakable. I think it might be because I put my heart into everything, so I feel it so much when things around me don't give their hearts right back.

I get so insecure and so unstable. I start to overthink and all these knots form in my heart. I question the love people give to me and the things in my life that matter. I start to feel like I am not enough for the situation — like this isn't something I can handle.

I have been hurt so much by people and things I trusted. Trusting is literally giving someone the power to hurt you. I keep thinking back to times I have been hurt.

So...I need to untangle my heart.

Untangle My Heart

I need to untangle my heart

The knots are growing wicked

And they are sticky

And molded

With insecurities

I need to release all the diamonds

Because they're just empty promises

And I had no reason to trust them

It's all a ploy,

And I was naïve

I always said that you need to take

All of yourself back from their hands

But this time, I took myself back,

In pieces

And I'm working on rebuilding myself

I feel the boundaries now, so potently

And I see the signs of the earth so intensely

But I guess I'm not a good reader

I seem to read between the lines

See meaning in the spaces…

When there is actually nothing there

But tears and finger traces…

I'll try to stay optimistic

Like that's still an option for me

But I put on my suns,

Strap them to my ears

And wonder if maybe

They're just too bright

To be seen

I don't know why it's so hard

To untangle my heart

I go in with my scissors

I go in with my saws

I scratch at the edges

Pretend suns have their claws

But I just make it worse

I never stop making it worse.

And now with the books all around me

And soft lamps glowing right on me

Words, words, an aroma like coffee,

I just feel all these things

That make me so empty

So empty.

Though they're never so actually there.

Not tangibly.

So, I need to untangle my heart.