"What do you want to be when you grow up?" - everyone.
This question seems to appear in all social situations children, teens, high schoolers, even college students(I think we can admit there is always room for growing up) find themselves in. It's a reminder that we have to figure things out and decide our lives. As someone who is currently torn between ballet, english, and biology, decisions don't come easy. Recently I've been thinking about the choice, the desire to know without a doubt, and how we can overcome it.
Its standing at the edge of a cliff looking over
Its freezing in doubt
Its the act of risk taking
Its hope for the best—plan for the worst—live in the moment— emotion
Sometimes, we get caught up in decisions
Our minds become insomniacs
tossing and turning between one option and another
We tell ourselves that we must choose,
a path
a lifestyle
a partner
a view
But I’ve been thinking maybe the end is just that
an ending
Not to be celebrated, but rather, simply noted
As the stop of the tossing and the turning.
Maybe the movement is best part
Because thats when you live—
When you fight
The future frightens us
Because we don’t know—we can’t know—
what's coming in our
path, lifestyle, partner, view
So to cope we plan,
we, double check
we, decide.
I’ll share something about me:
I love too many paths
So the tossing and the turning is continuous
And I’m tired
Tired of being forced into one box
Tired of labels that don’t capture, but still stick
Tired of fearing the unknown too much
And planning and double checking and deciding to just follow one path
And losing myself in the process
But I think, rather than less, we all need some more unknown in our lives
Some more cliffs and edges
to see the size of spontaneity
More doubts
Because thats when you know you’re challenged
More risk taking
To believe in hope and learn from failure
So I’m done and planning and deciding—
I am undecided
I am tossing and turning
I am exploring many paths
And I’m not ashamed that I don’t know
because I don’t want to be motivated by fear
I want to live in it, accept, and forget it
I want to be surrounded by the undecided
the movement
the unknown
