UD students remain an inquisitive bunch. Of all the thoughts that haunt us at night, one that remains in the forefront is what could possibly be in our basements? Locked and without a door handle, what secrets lie inside this hidden cove? I've done my research (thanks to all of you who contributed) and this is what I have come up with:
1. Hillary's emails.
I mean, obviously.
2. Dr. Dan and the other former presidents.
Who could ever actually leave UD willingly? I'm sure they've got a nice bachelor pad under there.
3. Parking tickets.
And probably a printing press making more of them. It's unreal how many parking tickets some people have compiled while at UD. My mom was on campus for 10 minutes and got one. I'm sure there are magical elves who work all through the night to print out copies for the morning.
4. The mythical housing contract.
We know you've heard of it. If you aren't aware that you signed your life away by going to this campus, now is the time to educate yourselves. I'm sure it's encased in bulletproof glass, most likely opened to the page that says "University shall have the right to change and to establish additional rules, regulations, policies, codes, or procedures as necessary at the sole discretion of the University." Uh oh.
5. The monster cookie recipe.
Hidden like the Krabby Patty formula, this treasured secret is coveted by all who have ever witnessed the beauty of this treat's creation.
6. A reliable Internet connection.
One can hope, right?
7. Isidore.
Whoever he is. I picture him as a magical wizard that most likely lives in the underbelly of this campus. It just fits that our basements would be a gateway to him.
8. The remains of the old logo.
RIP, old friend.
9. Hammocks.
You know how every UD promotional material has a picture of a hammock and the sunset? Except hammocks are forbidden on campus. So I'm assuming they need a place to store all the hammocks they use to take pictures on campus. And if you were wondering, this image is straight from the University's twitter page.
