This semester I took a class with a group of people I felt uncomfortable with. I didn't feel like I fit in. I wasn't interested in the things they were interested in. I didn't laugh at things they thought were funny.
However.
It was a writing class, and since I am an (aspiring) writer, I forced myself to stick it out. I honestly do not think there was a moment this semester that I didn't think about quitting.
Now, I'm all for mixing things up. I'd do almost anything if I thought it would keep me from becoming boring. But there was just something about this class. I felt uncomfortable. Quite possibly the most uncomfortable I have felt in my entire life.
I complained and whined about going to class almost every time I had to. And when I didn't complain about having to go, I was complaining about something that happened while I was there. (Just ask my roommates or my mom).
As the semester comes to a close, and I am looking back on my experiences, I have began to realize how much my writing has changed. Positively changed.
When I was younger I used to get terrible growing pains. I would wake up in the middle of the night to a stabbing ache in my legs. Of course, I thought I was surely dying, but my mother assured me I was just growing. It was just my body's way of telling me it was time for a change.
I never want to wake up in the middle of the night and realize I have stopped growing.
As a student, I often hear people tell me to "get out of my comfort zone!!!" And, truly, I have always prided myself as someone who is never afraid to challenge myself, live on the edge, keep things moving.
This time, I didn't realize I needed a change.
As a writer, it is vital to avoid becoming stuck in a rut. Writing has a certain "ebb & flow" that cannot stay still. Styles change, motives change, even words evolve. So writers too, must evolve.
It's easy for me to start to believe since I have changed so much in the past 10 years, 5 years, even the last few months that I am done growing. Thinking this way is a very dangerous space to be in.
I hope I never convince myself I have come far enough, my writing is good enough, my life is clean enough, I have forgiven enough.
Even if it is painful. Even if is uncomfortable. Even if it literally takes blood, sweat, tears and hours of complaining--continue to grow.
When things start getting painful and hard and uncomfortable maybe it is life telling you it is time for a change, it's time to move on, time to grow.
Let the ebb and flow of life take you on a journey. Someday, maybe 10 years, 5 years, months, or even next week you will be able to look back, and see how much you have grown.
When you do look back, I hope you see beauty.
Today, I reviewed my poetry I wrote throughout this semester for my final portfolio. I now, I see beauty.
So I challenge you (my very, very few readers) to continue to grow. To be uncomfortable. To evolve. Change will come in the most unexpected places, at the most unexpected times. You will think you have grown enough and lived enough, so there can't possibly be any way you need to grow.
But.
I promise you, there is beauty in change, and blessing in growth.
