A new up-and-coming chauffeur service is taking national college towns by storm, with just a tap of a button. When using the Uber app, you open the gates to endless possibilities for some of the most entertaining or awkward car rides of your life. After one year of being a devoted customer, you will quickly learn that there five types of Uber drivers.
1. The quiet one.
It's kind of hard to predict the personality of a potential driver since you request them through an app. Some of the drivers may not be the most qualified in the verbal communication field. But have no fear, from experience, I’ve learned that most college students are in need of an Uber after having one too many, so I’m sure holding most of the conversation with the driver will not be too difficult.
2. The one who doesn't know how/where to drive.
You would think that someone who holds the position of driver should know how to drive and follow directions, but I don't think I have ever feared for my life while in a car more times than I have in an Uber. But as a broke college student, from my personal experiences the worse the ride, the better. I could not tell you the amount of times I have angrily emailed Uber and gotten completely refunded. Oh the joys of having the ability to write a sassy email.
3. The one who still thinks they're in college.
Most of the time, an Uber driver will offer water or candy as a tactic for a higher tip or to sober you up. But don't be alarmed if he offers some brews, he's either A) trying to be cool, B) from a foreign country, or C) trying to get arrested for serving open alcohol in a car full of minors. If you're either shocked that this has actually happened or saddened that it hasn't happened to you yet, then I would step up your Uber game, because virtually anybody could be an Uber driver, and that's scary thought.
4. The creepy one.
Nothings more awkward than getting into the Uber and feeling like it's an involuntary blind date. Five miles has never felt longer than when you're stuck in a car with some strange man who keeps glancing at you while he's driving and playing “Sexual Healing.” Unless he’s incredibly hot and or offers free rides, then I would just keep my eyes on the GPS so he takes you to your actual destination and not his house which is conveniently down the street.
5. The one who doesn't speak English.
Would you rather walk four miles to a party or wait for an Uber while on the phone with the driver who can't speak English and has no idea where he is/what you're saying? This is a question I've contemplated many, many times. Many non-English speaking Uber drivers have resulted me into canceling the Uber, requesting another one and getting the exact same driver which just repeats the entire process. Once the driver finally gets their sh*t together, the party has either died down or you've learned an entirely new language.
You know it was a good night if it included at least one Uber ride without someone throwing up in the back seat. But an even better night if you successfully got all the way home without getting caught because you stole some girl named Suzy's Uber ... oops.
