On any given day, Uber drivers everywhere patiently wait for a call. Every time you step foot in an Uber, keep in mind those who sat before you. Teenagers who can’t drive, but still require certain freedom, the intern who loathes public transportation, the businessman having a glass of wine before returning home. Ubers see all types of people come through, making it safe to assume the driver’s have us all categorized — the loud riders, the music players, even those pushy riders in a rush must come through often. But oftentimes, those behind the wheel of the Uber are the ones subjected to classification. I’ve taken many Ubers in the past and met many strange and interesting people. As a result, I’ve weeded out some of the more common drivers.
1. The Talker
The talker is the type of Uber that you do not want to take alone. You’ll know when you’re in an Uber with a talkative driver from the second you walk in. Immediately you’re bombarded with muted radio chatter that acts as background noise for conversation. He’ll usually kick off the conversation by asking where you’re coming from, then he’ll follow up with his life story. The talker claims to hold a genuine interest in the conversation, but there is an unspoken understanding that all he really want is that five-star rating.
2. The Partier
This Uber driver does the job for the entertainment. The midnight influx of screaming drunk girls and rowdy college guys must be the highlight of his evening. The partier is cool with you taking over the aux and blasting "Mr. Brightside" with four extra people squished in the back. Sometimes he'll ask about your night, but the response is usually a cry out that someone is sitting on someone else the wrong way. That’s what I call deserving of five-stars.
3. The Law-Breaker
The law-breaker will do anything and everything to get you to your destination as soon as possible. He also has some pretty identifiable characteristics such as outstanding speeding tickets and rear-end sized indentations on his bumper. The law-breaker is speedy and often in a rush. Stepping into this Uber, you can be sure that hedoesn't mess with spoken directions. And although the rides aren't dangerous, I'm pretty sure he makes it a race to see if he can beat the estimated arrival time on Waze.
4. The Teacher
This Uber driver, much like the talker, will immediately inundate you with conversation the second you step inside. The teacher is most likely a middle aged man, probably a father, who attempts to bestow knowledge on his riders in often as little as five minutes. Whether it be life advice or a timeline of the history of Rome, the teacher will often babble on for the whole ride.
5. The Stickler
Sneaking into an Uber is an art mastered by friend groups with five-plus people. Uber XL’s are tragically overpriced and ordering multiple Uber X’s is an unnecessary inconvenience. When your sedan shows up and you flood the Uber from either side, you hold your breath and pray your driver isn’t strict. Or even better, that he doesn’t notice at all. The stickler will first ask how many there are, then proceed to recite the Uber driver handbook followed by the state laws regarding seat-belts or something. After begging and arguing, your experience will result in two new Uber X’s and a $5 cancellation fee.
