Summer is upon us, which means nature is against us, people. The great outdoors is mostly just greatly hot and swampy, and going outside is more of a sticky, sweaty ordeal than anything enjoyable.
So, to help us counterbalance the inappropriate heat, the Lord blessed us with water parks.
Water parks are the greatest summer innovations since ice cream was put in the supermarket, and summer days are best spent slipping down water slides, relaxing in those weird plastic recliners, wading in the pool, and chilling in giant inner tubes on lazy rivers.
But at every water park, there are a few people you will always see. So let’s slide into a pool of summertime, pool-going stereotypes.
The Babysitter
The Babysitter probably doesn’t want to be here. Correction, she probably doesn’t want to be here with three 8-year-old children running around, getting mixed up and lost in an ocean of other 8-year-old children. You’ll know her by the look of boredom mixed with anxiety on her face.
The Young Couple
You can easily pick out The Young Couple by gauging the crowd for those having the maximum amount of fun. Because they don’t have to worry about kids or missing work, The Young Couple manages to enjoy the water park to the fullest. You’ll find them dunking each other in the pool and waiting for a double inner tube so they can ride down a slide together.
The Really Sunburnt Dad
The Really Sunburnt Dad is probably grimacing at the sun and his empty bottle of SPF 30, which he used up to keep his kids sunburn-free. Keep him in your prayers as he heads home to a bottle of aloe vera and a very uncomfortable week.
The Lifeguard Who Really Needs a Break
Lifeguarding is a difficult job, and when you’re in charge of keeping hundreds of people alive every day, you need a break every once in a while. This lifeguard has probably told at least 10 children to stop running within the last 15 minutes and has been in the sun far too long. His break is on the horizon, and he just needs to soldier on, and if that kid runs across the deck one more time, he might lose it.
The Scared Kid
This poor child has waited 30 minutes to get to the top of the tower, and he just knows the funnest experience of his life awaits as he approaches the watery entrance to the slide. But then, just as the lifeguard tells him to blast off, a wave of terror hits him. For reference, The Scared Kid can be located at the top of the water-slide tower crying quite loudly.
The Sunbather
This person just wants a tan, people, but they were probably dragged to a child-infested water park when they would’ve been equally content going to the neighborhood pool. To locate the sunbathers, follow the scent of Hawaiian Tropic to the outskirts of the pool, and let them enjoy their nice, relaxing hours in the sun.
