When I think back on the past two years of my life, there's a lot I wish I could forget. There's a lot that has happened that I wish I could tuck away and pretend never happened and move forward without ever looking back on them. There's also a lot that I think about and am so proud of and hope to never forget. These past two years have been the most formative years of my life so far, and they have changed me more than any other time so far.
Two years ago, I lost a lot of parts of me. I became someone that I didn't recognize and, more so, that I didn't particularly like. I did things I wasn't proud of. I said things I wish I could take back. I put myself in situations I should've run as far away from as fast as possible.
The beginning of the past two years was probably my lowest point in my life, but from there, I have come so far. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I just want to take a moment to celebrate these past two years, a period of time that I have spent so much time hating.
Yes, I lost a lot of pieces of myself, and I scrambled trying to put them back together. I tried fitting things into spots that didn't fit, and it left me incomplete and unrecognizable. I've gotten a lot of these pieces back, but I've also realized that there are pieces I never will get back. It's been hard to accept that these parts of me are gone, quite possibly forever, but I have learned to create new pieces. These new pieces have made me whole again.
Two years ago, I was afraid to leave. I was afraid to leave people that I had known and loved forever despite them no longer being good for me. I was afraid to leave relationships that were taking more from me than I was receiving from them. I was afraid to leave the old me in order to become the new me, and today, I refuse to stay. I moved to a new state. I've been to three new countries already and am setting plans to go to more. I've been home a total of eight weeks in the past year, going anywhere and everywhere to find somewhere that feels right. I've walked away from friendships that were no longer good for me.
Two years ago I had a dream school and a dream job, and I came to learn that these dreams are no longer mine. I went to a school that only one person thought was the right choice for me. I switched my major... four times. I lived out a new dream. Then I created a newer, bigger dream.
Two years ago, there were things I said I'd never do, and then I decided to do them. I jumped off a cliff. I came out of the closet. I let my friend cut my hair in my dorm. I let my roommate dye it red. I joined a sorority. I got a tattoo... and then I got another one.
Over the past two years, I've fallen out of love with writing. Then I fell quickly back in love with it. I withdrew so far into myself that I lost my voice. Now it's stronger and louder than ever. I lost all my passion, and then I found new passions. I lost friends that I thought would be in my life forever. I made new friends that I know actually will be.
Two years ago, I felt lost. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing or where I was going. Today, I'm still not entirely sure. I'm still figuring out who I am and what I want. I'm still trying to figure out who I want to be, but I am getting closer and closer to being that girl every day.
These past two years have been the best of times and the worst of times. They've been one wild ride. I'm still learning to be thankful for all the hard times that made me into who I am today, and there are things I don't know if I ever will learn to be thankful for. What I do know, however, is that I am so happy today. I am so happy about where I am and who I have become. And I am so excited to see what's next.
