Social media has this funny way of making you realize how far you've come. Every picture and post has a memory attached to it—some good, some not so good. For example, my Instagram selfies have definitely improved (seriously, were my eyebrows that bad?). And sometimes, looking back on those memories makes you truly appreciate the things you’ve been through, and how much you’ve changed.
On this exact day a year ago, I posted a picture of a gorgeous bouquet of bright yellow daffodils (my favorite flower) and candy to my Twitter feed. It was a gift from my roommate, after what I downplayed as “a rough day.”
That “rough day” was me having reached the absolute end of my rope.
That frigid winter eve, I returned home bawling my eyes out. I had been stood up for a movie date by a stupid boy, and was sick and tired of the constant crushed hopes and disappointment in my love life. I was broken. My wonderful roommates rallied around me, praying over me, bringing me gifts, telling me jokes, and providing me with my favorite chocolate (appropriate for my state of misery).
Despite my friends’ reminder of how loved I already was, I kept going back to my old, twisted, destructive mentality that I needed a guy to complete my life. I had this idea that since everybody else had it, so something was wrong because I didn't.
There was an obvious void in my life — I wanted love and devotion and acceptance, just like anybody else. My problem was that I was trying to fill the void in the wrong place.
After a few more frustrating romantic upsets, I was sensing I needed to take a break from the dating scene, and it took me another 4 months after that to actually get to a place where I felt the need to make it official. On November 8th, 10 months after the picture was posted, I elected to take three months off of dating.
At that point, I was at a real low in life. But I had to get to that point, of just being absolutely, totally OVER dating. Romans 8:28 reminds us that God uses the lows to intervene and do His work in our lives. He didn't cause the low in mine—but He sure did capitalize on it.
I'm nearing the end of my 3 months single pact, and have never felt better in my life. I feel so good, in fact, that I don't want to quit.
Through this time, God has reoriented my entire life around Him. My dating life was like beating my head against a brick wall—painful and unproductive. But now everything in my life, including my dating life, is in His steady and trustworthy hands. Moving forward, I will be spending less time comparing, making fewer moves, and instead watching Him show me the way forward.
Seeing that picture on my social media feed was a wonderful reminder of how far I’ve come, and I’m psyched to see what else the Lord has for me in the future. Now I'm living a living and breathing example Matthew 6:25 and 26—I’m free to live without worry. That's the power of the love of and a relationship with my God.
