Turning twenty isn't important enough to have a special candle shaped as a twenty at the store, I might not be able to rent a car by myself or be the only adult to ride in the vehicle with a minor learning to drive, but it's a pretty big milestone. I'm no longer a teenager and that's kind of a big deal. It may be more of a mental change than anything, but turning twenty is like climbing up a really tall hill and reaching the top, only to find out you have another hill ahead of you that's even bigger. I've made it past one little hump and now it's time for the next one.

Every year after my birthday, there is someone who asks me, "Do you feel any older?" My answer has always been "no," but this year it was different. I actually feel older. There is something in me that changed and it is slowly dawning on me how different life is going to be from here on out. Turning twenty is a new beginning. Why do I say that?

I'm not a teenager anymore.

I already said that, but this is a sentence that has been running through my head over and over again since I woke up a 20-year-old. I may still be my parents child, but I'm not a child anymore. Eighteen is the year we've decided to dub "adult," but honestly, twenty is the real beginning of adulthood. I was still living at home when I turned eighteen and I was still learning how to take care of myself when I was nineteen. Now that I'm twenty, I feel like I've got a better handle on life. I can do this now. I will still need help sometimes, of course, but I'm a lot more capable of dealing with things now. I'm not the moody, emotional and weak teenager I used to be. I'm a strong, capable and ready adult.

I'm more mature.

Like I mentioned before, the change that happens when you turn twenty is partially a mental change, but I think that's what life is about. If nothing changes up there, then nothing will change in your life. As I've gotten older, I've been able to sit down and have intelligent conversations with people. This past week when I went home to visit my family, I said down, had lunch with my grandma, and discussed politics and morals with her. It was a great conversation and I genuinely enjoyed it. A couple years ago, I wouldn't be able to say the same thing. A huge part of aging is the maturing of your heart and mind. This can be a blessing and a curse. You start to understand things better and you start to enjoy the concept of learning, but you also start to understand the bad things that go on the world a little better. The more your mind opens up to new knowledge, the more it opens up to the pain and darkness in the world.

I'm more confident.

I used to be such an insecure little girl. This is a common characteristic for teenage girls, and probably many boys, too. It was really tough going through middle and high school feeling like I wasn't enough. Now that I'm older, I look back and wonder why I was so miserable. I've come to realize that all those things I was so worried about were so silly. I would look in the mirror and feel bad about every little imperfection. Now, I look in the mirror and embrace my imperfections as character and I praise the good things. There is no need to dwell on the bad stuff when there is plenty of good things, too. I'm not the most attractive or funniest or smartest person in the world, but I'm still pretty great and I have decided to embrace that instead.

While I was home this past week, a friend of mine that I haven't really seen for about a year told me that I sounded different. At first, she thought my voice sounded deeper, but then she told me that I just sounded older, more confident. The thing about growing up and leaving the teenage years is that you get to leave a lot of your insecurities, too.

I appreciate more.

Every time I have to get say goodbye to my family, get on a bus or a train, and return to my college home, I realize how important my family is. I have come to really appreciate them for all of their love, support, and overall greatness. Even when I'm away, they are praying for me, loving me, encouraging me, and helping me in any way that I need. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. As I've gotten older, I have come to truly understand the importance of my built in support system. I am constantly apologizing for the bratty teenager I used to be and working to make up for all of those years of resentment.

I was talking to a different friend this past week when I was home about how the older you get, the more you appreciate learning new things. She is a teacher and she recently went on a field trip to Washington D.C. with an 8th grade class. She told me about how she was geeking out over all of the monuments, while the students were barely impressed. She was sad that they were getting this great experience, but they weren't appreciating it enough. I realized that as I've gotten older, I have taken more interest in those things. I enjoy walking through a museum and learning about different wars. Not as much she was, because she is a history buff, but it's much more interesting for me than it was a couple years ago. I have come to appreciate knowledge and hopefully I will come to appreciate it more and more as I grow up.

Other people are aging, too.

You're probably thinking, "Duh, that's how life works," but sometimes you get stuck in your own little bubble and you don't really think about how everyone else around you is also getting older. My little cousins are getting so big. This little boy that I held the day after he was born is now tall enough that I can hug him without getting on my knees. If that isn't crazy, then I don't know what is. This little baby that I held in my arms is going to keep growing and be big enough to pick me up. I suppose it's selfish, but in my head, everyone stays the same age. It's really silly, but it always shocks me when I go home and find that everyone else has gotten older.

I'm sorry Mom and Dad, but you're getting older and that scares me a little. I suppose this is morbid (and honestly, this is a long time down the road), but my parents are going to die someday. My grandparents are going to grow older and pass away. It terrifies me to think about a world without these extremely important people. My aunt (who is more like a sister to me) and I were talking the other day about how there is going to be a day when my grandma, her mother, won't be around, and we both had tears in our eyes just thinking about it. We literally talked about it for thirty seconds before we both almost started crying right there. It's scary to think about. I'm getting older and so are they. There will come a day when I won't have them to go to with all of my questions. There will come a day when I will have to be the wise older woman that my kids, my grandkids, my nieces and whoever else we welcome into our family, will come to for help. I only hope that I will be as good at that job as the people who have helped me are now.

I am ready.

Lastly, I'm ready for what's to come. Yes, it's scary to think about everything that I'm going to go through in the future. Yes, I know that it is going to be extremely difficult at times, but I'm looking forward to it. I'm excited for all the struggles, the life lessons, the joys, the love, and everything else that comes with life. I'm going to cry a lot, but you know what? I'm going to laugh a lot, too. I'm starting to sound pretty cheesy, so I'll just end with this: I'm terrified, but I'm also ready to step out of my comfort zone. "There is no courage without fear." I'll just have to embrace my fear, overcome it, and live a great life. I turned twenty this past weekend and now I'm ready for my new beginning.