I'm turning twenty years old this month #LibraSzn.

I've been struggling with this fact for a few months now, and I'm about to stare my twenties in the face whether I like it or not. I've likened it to digging my own grave and standing in it, just waiting for everyone under the age of twenty throw dirt on me. I've been complaining that soon I'll work until I die, and that's the absolute last thing I want to do. I've been a teenager for so long now, I can hardly remember what it's like to not be one. I will wake up on the morning of my birthday, not with dirt in my face, but I will feel no different at all. Not like I will never be a teenager ever again, unable to dance, make mistakes, and fall in love with people, places, and things without more serious consequences.

Anyway, I've compiled a list, a challenge of sorts, of things I should try and accomplish before I turn 20; one for each year of teenagerhood. These won't be things I haven't done before, but things to do one last time before my teenage years escape me. Nostalgic and dramatic, yes, but that about sums me up. Let's get started.

1. To feel thirteen again I will read a magazine

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As a younger girl, I thought to be a teenage girl, you had to be subscribed to so many different magazines and read them on your stomach in your bed during the hot summer months, fan blowing, ankles crossed in the air behind you. Reading up on kissing boys and fashion to prepare for when the REAL teenage years hit was an absolute essential; I couldn't be looking like a fool when I run with the big kids! I would love to get my hands on a copy of Girls Life and look at what I used to read like the Teenage Girl Bible.

2. To feel fourteen again I will have a photo shoot

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The amount of (horrible!) selfies I took as a fourteen-year-old is absurd, as well as the photos taken of me doing various things. The one direction song lyric captions are still present on my Instagram if you dare scroll down far enough. Now that I've (somewhat) found my look and learned how to properly apply eyeliner (as in, not using liquid eyeliner to make cat whiskers and a nose,) I can flaunt my stuff in a new age-appropriate selfie (and caption it with more MATURE song lyrics)

3. To feel fifteen again I will kiss a cute boy

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I had my first kiss at fifteen, just days before my sixteenth birthday. I NEEDED to have it before I turned sixteen or else I did not use my 365 days being fifteen correctly. If I did not kiss someone like Taylor Swift said to before my time was up, I would have been DEVASTATED and never would have listened to that song again. Luckily, my boyfriend at the time sealed the deal after a football game halftime show. He bought me hot chocolate after my halftime performance and hardly even got my lips, more the side of my chin, but even so it went down in history. Thankfully, my kissing experiences have gotten better since then (and I think the cute boy I've been kissing recently is thankful too.)

4. To feel sixteen again I will drive around listening to loud music with my friends

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Ah yes, of course this one has to do with driving. Those moments in the car with your friends when the music is blasting, hair blowing crazy, the sun setting behind you, are the moments where I swear I'm the most content. I look around and appreciate my relationships with every single person in the car, remind myself how lucky I am to be here with the most insane chances of everything falling so perfectly into place like this. I'll lay my head against the open windowsill and reminisce of other nights like these, forgetting all about counting how many I may have left.

5. To feel seventeen again I will get dressed up and go dancing

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School dances were my favorite nights in high school. Feeling so confident all dressed up, taking pictures with your very best friends and hot dates, going out to eat, and dancing the night away. That's right, you wouldn't find my friends and I in the grinding circle in the center, we were the ones on the side busting it down and starting the Fireball conga line. The after parties still dolled up, piles of heels in front of the door. In college, it's hard to find somewhere to dance, but maybe I'll convince some friends to come with me to Red Brick one of my last weekend days to really bust it down.

6. To feel eighteen again I will hug my mom

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When I left for college, I feel like my relationship with my mom got better. I hate that distance is what finally made us become (for the most part) civil and not always at each other's throats, especially since I love and appreciate my mom so much, but I'm glad we're mostly cool now. There was a moment my first semester away where I sat down and truly understood why mom would get so upset with me and I broke down and sobbed so hard. Now and again when I'm away, I remember that day when I finally realized how I was making her feel. It's those moments when I want to hug her so hard and never let go, forget going back to school. I will hug her so tight and tell her how much I love her and how grateful I am for everything she's done for me and our family.

7. To feel nineteen one last time and take a look around, see how far I've come, and love the person that came out on the other side

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Being a teenager isn't easy. For many, they will be perhaps the worst, most challenging years of a person's life. Every single one of my wins and losses has lead me right here, to exactly where I need to be. All of the small stuff I've sweat about hardly matters now, and that's a lesson I'll take with me into my twenties. Thankfully, I can remember the laughing, the crying, and the love, and how every single moment shaped me into the strong, beautiful woman that I am.

I know not much will be changing. I know I'm going to be just as goofy and stupid at 11 pm on the 20th as I'll be an hour later. I know that I'm going to be dancing for the rest of my life, even if I should have stopped years ago. I know that I would never even let my life seem for a SECOND like I'm going to work until I die. But, truly, this is the end of an era, and I'm terrified. As an adult, mistakes are higher-staked. I'll be expected to be professional and experienced, not bumbling and new (while I'm sure this won't truly hit until I graduate but don't get me thinking THAT far in advance or I'll have a panic attack.)

Well, there you have it. These are the challenges I've laid out for myself to accomplish within these next few weeks. These next few days are going to fly by, I'll be so busy. With each passing day, the time I have left as a teenager will diminish, but the person I have become will be around for so much longer.