I’m trying to learn to play again. No, not in the way that children play exactly, but in a new more conscious way.

Senioritis has hit me hard and it has sucked the motivation right out of me. I’m sure many of you are experiencing this, or know someone else who is, and if not, believe me, it’s awful. Senioritis is especially tough for those of us who are high achieving because we and the people around us set such high expectations for ourselves that we feel woefully inadequate when we don’t meet them. For me, some of my avolition has stemmed from being forced to confront the meaninglessness of the world. I don’t have to turn that paper in, I don’t have to pay my bills, I don’t have to buy groceries, I don’t have to do anything. The rules of life are arbitrary and we treat them like they're natural laws, and when you find yourself staring at this absurdity you can’t help but want to quit.

This is where play comes in. When we played as kids, we used arbitrary rules that we were taught or that we created on our own, and we realized that they were just the rules of the game. Each game had its own rules and you don’t have to follow them, but there are consequences if you don’t. I find that later on when people start playing sports they start conflating these rules with laws. You have to follow these rules or… or what? And they don’t seem to have an answer, but you better not do it.

I’m trying to play the game of life like I did when I was a kid. I’ve evaluated the domains of my life, the different games if you will, and I’ve written down the rules. I don’t have to follow the rules, but I choose to. I know that I am making this choice and even if I don’t know why there are fun aspects to playing. I’m trying to learn to play again.