It’s the end of summer. College is right around the corner. Parents are annoying as hell. Siblings suck. Hometown is lame. Everyone is stupid. Why? Because you are going to college.
Next thing you know, you are on the campus of your “home away from home.” It’s move-in-day. OMG it’s so exciting!
Get wasted!
New friends!
Cute boys!
Hot girls!
Screw class.
TOGA! TOGA!
LOL COLLEGE RULEZ!
Then the freshmen parade into some historic auditorium named after someone who did something really important for the school. Then some speaker comes onto stage — sometimes the dean, sometimes the president. Then they spew out this pep talk to get everyone hyped for college. They say a bunch of great things. They’ll talk school traditions. They’ll talk school pride. In the end, it is all good, uplifting stuff. College is spectacular.
“You meet your best friends in college!”
“You will finally be independent.”
“You will find your purpose in the world!”
“You will go on to do great things!”
“These are the best four years of your life.”
As a senior just a few weeks away from graduation, I find myself thinking a lot. By thinking, I mean thinking critically (something college actually taught me to do). I think about the perception of college that freshmen receive from movies, orientation, and the president of the school.
Some of it is right.
Most of it? Total bullshit.
I am writing to give the other speech: the speech the freshmen won’t hear, but the one they need to hear:
College is amazing. But holy shit, college can really, really suck.
Sure, you will meet some of your best friends in college. Mine are amazing. I have been with them for four years now, and I love each of them. But, then there are some friends you may make during freshmen year that are barely a part of your life by the time graduation hits. You meet all these great new people, but in reality, they are all temporary. Because some people straight up suck. You will meet assholes. You will meet stuck-up girls. But, just like high school graduation, you will likely never see some of these people ever again. That is haunting. Someone you see every single day during the school year becomes a ghost the moment you leave school. Following graduation, people will fade into memories, and that is what they will be forever—memories. The people that matter will stay. You will get Christmas cards, and you will look each other up, but the fact is, we all grow. We all change. Our time with one another is fleeting. Time is such a fickle bitch.
Sure, independence is cool. Life without the restrictions from parents is so enticing. You can stay out as late as you want. No one can tell you to clean your room (unless your roommate is a prick). There are no rules. Well, forget all of that. Come time for your first big test, you will be praying for your mom and dad to tell you to study. You will miss so desperately mom’s homemade meals. You will miss the warmth of your dog nuzzling up to your side. You will miss the comfort of your own bed. You will miss the safety of knowing there is someone right there to take care of you. You are on your own now. Wasn’t that supposed to be fun? That is just college, though. For me, it’s to the point of finding a job and being on my own. What? Screw that. How am I supposed to do that? We crave so hungrily for freedom, but in the end, freedom is terrifying.
You will find your purpose in the world? Please. If you are lucky (you probably aren’t), you will find your purpose in the world between ages 18 and 22. In four years, we are expected to know it all—to have it all figured out for eternity. HA! Good luck with all that. College changes people. Some people find out how tough they truly are. Some find how weak. Sleepless nights are ubiquitous. Tears flow. Regret chills your bones. Hope evaporates as quickly as stress proliferates. Fear of failure takes over. Alcohol, sex, and drugs become the only reasonable escape. The hole grows deeper. You blackout drunk and get in a fight with your best friend. You get your heart ripped out of your chest and all light disappears. You blow all your money on weed just to get busted. You want college in a nutshell? Here you go. Find your place in the world? Find your purpose? Discover who you are? Broken-hearted partier with massive jail fines isn’t what you planned.
College is supposed to be the best four years of your life. I won’t deny that. But the thing is, I am only 22 years old and four weeks from graduation. There is so much in front of me to experience—new challenges, new adventures, new loves, new passions. College has been turbulent, but I cannot deny that it has been the best four years of my life. College is a tricky thing, though. There are so many good moments, but in those four years, tragedy strikes every now and then. When it does… it hurts.
Tragedy hits so damn hard because the people with which you surround yourself are everything. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are with the same people every day. Going out, watching movies, whatever it is—all with the same people. You grow so close. You love your friends, and you develop a sense of camaraderie that cannot be broken. But the universe has other plans.
Then a friend’s family member passes away unexpectedly, and your perception of pain is completely changed; you never knew what pain was until now. You cry for them. Your heart aches and bleeds for them.
You witness your friends battle through heartbreak. You hold them close in their time of desperation.
You’ll have heartbreak of your own. Someone you thought would never hurt you will crush you into one million tiny pieces.
Classmates pass away. Someone you use to see every day, someone who laughed endlessly, someone so special, is now gone with the passing of one breath.
College, man—the time of your life.
As I sit and write this, my eyes are starting to well with tears. What an incredible journey college has been. Personally, I have seen it all; alcohol, hangovers, fights, failed tests, stress, heartbreak, failure, pain, assholes, regrets.
But all of that was worth it.
Because I have shared some drinks with some of the greatest guys on the planet.
Because I have had some horrible hangovers, but talking about all the amazing stories and funny moments was always the best cure (and scrambled eggs).
Because the fights always ended in apologies and bro-mance.
The failed tests were fortunately limited, but nothing felt better than bouncing back with an A.
Because the stress never lasted.
Because the heartbreak was healed by constant love from friends and family.
Because with the failure came a hunger for success.
Because the pain was only a chance to become stronger.
Because I found friends for a lifetime.
Because I learned I have no regrets.
Listen, future freshmen, college is a truly special time. My only advice is to remember that what they tell you on the first day on campus is only barely scratching the surface. College is unyieldingly scary and irresistibly fun. Four years is only a blink compared to a lifetime. But in these four years, don’t blink too often. Whether it is painful or happy, terrifying or fun, embrace every second.
Be fearless.
Love relentlessly.
Never give up hope.
Goodbye, College.
Thanks for everything,
Ken Haze
